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It took just minutes to work my way to the back of Sam's house. As with every time that I'd entered the backyard, the gate wasn't locked. It was definitely something Sam and I would need to talk about.
Talk about? Really, Matias? You think he's about to talk to you again?
I ignored my inner voice and closed the gate behind me. I began to move to the spot along the fence that I knew would best conceal me but still offer a decent view through the kitchen windows when I noticed the back door.
It was wide open.
A terrifying chill went through me as I automatically pulled my gun from the back of my pants and hurried across the lawn.
Please let them be okay. I'm not too late. I'm not too late.
I silently repeated the mantra over and over again as I entered the house and began clearing each room. Images of Sam's lifeless body had me ignoring protocol as I checked the small house. I disregarded potential hiding spots like closets and instead made my way to the bedrooms. Stark relief hit me hard when I glanced into Ryan's room and saw the little boy asleep beneath his covers. But it didn't last. I rushed the remaining distance to Sam's bedroom. Like the kitchen door, the bedroom door was wide open. Bitter cold settled in my belly as I got closer and closer to the room. I was actually afraid to put one foot in front of the other.
Please.
Please.
When I reached the door, I held my breath and forced myself to follow my training as I entered the room. But the second I cleared the door and saw Sam sitting on the edge of his bed, it was all I could do to not collapse on the floor in a heap of relief.
Although he looked unhurt, Sam wasn't moving as he stared at the floor beneath him. I looked all around the room but saw no threat. There was no evidence that anyone had been in it.
I made my way farther into the room and just for safety's sake, I checked Sam's bathroom to make sure no one was hiding there. By the time I came back out, Sam was watching me. He was clearly unsurprised by my presence. I didn't know what to make of that until he said, "Don't ask me about the door, Matias. Just… don't say anything at all."
A dozen things hit me all at once. His comment about the door had me realizing he had left it open on purpose.
For me.
And if he didn't want me to say anything, that meant he wasn't interested in a conversation about what I was doing there or what had happened between us the last time we'd seen each other.
While he seemed confused, he also seemed resigned and I understood that. It should've made me feel better to know that he was going through the same thing I was… that even if he wanted to keep me at arm’s length, he couldn't. Just like I hadn't wanted to come to this house but had anyway.
I should've been glad that he didn't want to analyze what was happening between us. But I hated seeing him so broken and confused. He looked exactly how I was feeling. That was unacceptable to me, but I didn't know how to fix it.
But I knew that I could make it go away for a little while.
For both of us.
I moved closer to him, depositing my gun on his nightstand. When I stepped between Sam's legs, he let out a rough breath. Like he'd been holding it for a really long time. His hands came up to rest on my hips, but they didn't stay there long. His palms slid up my sides, pushing the hem of my shirt up in the process. I got the silent message and reached behind me to pull the shirt over my head. The sensation of Sam's warm hands on my skin had goosebumps prickling my flesh. I expected Sam to go for my pants or maybe just stand and start kissing me, but to my surprise, he leaned forward and pressed the side of his face against my abdomen and just held it there. His arms went around my waist. The intimate embrace should've had me eager to find a way to end it, but I found myself reaching a hand out to stroke over his hair instead. We stayed like that for the longest time. It was Sam who made the first move after that. He turned his head and skimmed his lips over the flat of my belly.
I closed my eyes and took in every detail of his soft lips worshiping me. I expected him to work his way south, but to my surprise, Sam rose to his feet instead. His eyes met mine and then his fingers were coming up to smooth over my face. It was like he was trying to memorize my every feature.
