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I tried to focus on the movie, but I kept finding myself looking back and forth between the two brothers. It seemed like there was some kind of silent argument going on between them, though Cruz was clearly coming out as the loser. Elliot began to notice as well, but fortunately, Ryan continued to focus on the film.
Suddenly, without warning, Matias stood and then he was heading for the front door without a word. His eyes were still glued to his cell phone.
Cruz shot Elliot a brief look and then he was climbing to his feet and hurrying after his brother. Elliot, for his part, remained focused on his little brother. I stayed where I was, even though all I really wanted to do was go after Matias and make sure he was okay. But I didn't have the right to do that. Despite the volume on the television, I could still hear raised voices coming from outside. Elliot looked up at me, clearly concerned, but I knew he wouldn't leave his brother’s side. I used that as an excuse to get up and move across the room. As I made my way to the front door, I heard Cruz say, "Matias, I’m asking you, for once, not to!"
By the time I got the door open, Cruz and Matias were no longer in conversation. In fact, Cruz was making his way back up the walkway toward the house while Matias was heading to his car.
"Everything okay?" I asked Cruz as he reached the front door.
"Yeah," he murmured as he glanced over his shoulder at his brother. I didn't believe his response for even a moment. Nothing about what was happening was okay. Cruz stepped past me and went into the house. I knew I should've followed him, but as I watched Matias’s broad shoulders get swallowed up by the darkness, I had this weird sense of foreboding. I remembered the last time I'd said goodbye to Mac. I hadn't really said goodbye to him because I hadn't seen him that evening when he’d left for work. Instead of making an effort to get home to join my man for dinner, I'd stayed late at the office because I'd been desperate to climb the corporate ladder.
The idea of having this particular image of Matias being my last one was unacceptable to me, so I pulled the door shut behind me and hurried down the walkway.
"Matias," I called as I quickened my pace to catch up to him. But he didn't respond, which hurt.
It hurt like a motherfucker.
I called his name again on the off chance that he hadn't heard me, but all he did was pause momentarily and then he continued walking. He didn't look over his shoulder at me. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't do anything but get to his car, climb in, and drive away.
I told myself to pull my phone out and call him. To send him a text to make sure he was okay. But I couldn't get my mind off that last moment. The one where he’d had the chance to talk to me, to send me a look telling me everything was okay, but hadn't.
Pain mixed with nausea in my belly as I stood there staring at the receding taillights. As I turned and walked slowly back toward the house, I thought about what Matias had said about not being able to say goodbye to me after we'd had sex in my garden shed. He’d said it was because he'd known it wasn’t really goodbye. That being with me the one time hadn't been enough. I wanted to believe that was the case here, but deep in my heart I knew it didn't matter.
Because the reality was that I'd brought this moment upon myself. When Matias had confessed he didn't want a relationship, I hadn't had the strength to admit that I did. I hadn't even been willing to admit it to myself.
Just like I hadn't been willing to admit that I was well on my way to losing my heart for the second—and what I knew without a doubt would be the last—time in my life.
Chapter 17
Matias
I could easily say that few people ever got the jump on me. Ronan Grisham was one of those few people.
I was usually much better about noticing my surroundings, but needless to say, my thoughts were entirely focused on the occupants inside the house rather than outside of it. The fact that my boss was lurking in the very shadows I'd often lingered in myself as I'd watch Sam from afar was surreal, to say the least. By the time I had my gun drawn, Ronan was already stepping into the light. If he'd been an assailant, I would've already been dead and Sam and Ryan would've been left completely vulnerable.
