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I took one last peek into Ryan's room to make sure he was okay and then I made my way to my own room. I was beyond exhausted, but more than anything, I needed to release some of the pent-up emotion inside of me. I'd had panic attacks when I'd been younger, so I knew what the telltale signs were, including the increased breathing and the chest pains.
Once in my room, I bypassed my inviting bed and hurried to the bathroom. I got the water in the shower going and quickly undressed. Once I was standing beneath the spray of hot water, I tried to go through the normal motions of washing my hair, but as soon as I lifted my hands, my body decided enough was enough. I couldn't hold back the sob that burst from my throat. I covered my mouth with my hand to try to stifle the sound as much as I could. It was doubtful that Ryan would hear me, but I didn't want to risk waking him.
My breakdown wasn't pretty. By the time the tears finally stopped flowing, I was sitting on my ass in the corner of my shower. I had my arms wrapped around my knees, my face buried against them to muffle any noise I made. The water no longer felt hot, but fortunately it wasn't ice cold yet. Even when it got to that point, I doubted I'd be able to do anything. My body felt too heavy to move.
Why had Matias done this to me? Why had I done it to myself? I'd spent the years after Mac's death learning to rely only on myself. There hadn't been any choice. It'd been a lonely existence at times, but at least I'd been the one in control of what was happening to me. Now, everything felt out of control. And all because I'd allowed myself to fall for a guy who'd been off-limits to me in every kind of way.
I could feel the tears threatening to start up all over again. Luckily, the water chose that moment to start turning cold, so I had the incentive I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Easier said than done.
It took a good minute to work up the energy to even try to move, but just as I was dropping my hands and bracing them on the tile floor so I could push myself to my feet, the shower door was torn open. I let out a little yelp at the sight of Matias standing there. He stuck his hand into the shower and turned the knob, cutting off the stream of water that was cascading over me and chilling my skin.
"Enough," he growled, and then he was reaching down and pulling me to my feet. Unfortunately, my feet weren’t quite ready to cooperate. I ended up stumbling forward, right into Matias’s warm body. I wanted to sink into it as the heat washed over me, but then I remembered how he hadn’t bothered to even look over his shoulder at me that day in the street as he’d walked away.
I pushed at him as best I could, but he didn't release me entirely. The fact that I was stark naked and dripping wet didn't seem to faze him in the least. He ripped a towel off one of the hooks near the shower and thrust it at me. "Dry yourself off," he demanded.
His words had me forgetting all about my state of undress… as well as my despair. I launched the towel at him and said, "Fuck you, Matias."
Matias’s already hard jaw turned to granite as the towel fell harmlessly to his feet. He stepped forward and kept coming until he had me crowded against the wall. I probably should've been afraid, but my body had decided to go in a whole different direction.
And not a good one.
Matias slapped his hands on each side of my head as he leaned in until his mouth was practically brushing mine. "I'm good with that," he muttered and then his mouth was on mine.
I wanted to resist him. I really did. But the second his lips met mine, all I could think about was the fact that I'd come so close to losing this… him. In the two weeks that I'd spent imagining him gone from my life forever, I'd wished for just one more moment like this. One more moment where I could taste him again, hold him again.
I whimpered when Matias’s fingers closed around my hardening dick. He gave me a few long, drawn-out tugs and then he was tearing his mouth from mine. I told myself to push him away, to tell him to get his hands off of me, but I could do nothing but stand there as his strong fingers toyed with me. His free hand came down to stroke over my cheek. His eyes never left mine.
