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In any case, as I'd wondered what my future held if I was forced to live it on the run, I'd known there was no way I could do it. There was no way I could give up the life I'd built for Ryan. And there was no way I could live a life where death was always just around the corner. Even if it destroyed the fragile connection I had with Matias, it was what I had to do. Matias was too stubborn to see that on his own, so I’d had no choice but to set the wheels in motion myself. It'd been hard to stand up to both Matias and Ronan, but with my sons involved, there hadn't been any question about what I’d needed to do.
I knew there were a lot of logistics to work out, but I’d let Matias and Ronan deal with that. For now, I needed to figure out how to explain to Ryan that he wouldn't be seeing me for the foreseeable future. My hope was that this thing with Bishop would come to an end soon, but there was just no way to know. If my plan didn't work, I'd eventually have to call an end to the trap in which I was the bait, but I wasn't ready to think about what that would mean for me or my son. Elliot had Cruz to take care of him, so the two of them would have to make those decisions together.
I stood outside of Ryan's door for a little longer just listening to how Matias and Ryan interacted. I'd been pissed when Matias had snapped at Ryan after he’d brought up the idea of a sleepover, but hearing now how Matias was speaking to my little boy, how he was engaging with him, I was starting to realize that his reaction had been based on fear for Ryan’s safety rather than anything else. The mere fact that he was trying to make it up to my son went a long way to ease some of the anger I was feeling.
I waited a few minutes for the pair to finish up their conversation about dinosaurs before entering the room. When Matias saw me, he jumped up from the bed where he’d been sitting so he’d be at Ryan's level. Matias was holding a dinosaur in his hand. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before putting the toy on the table that was attached to Ryan’s wheelchair.
"Thanks for the lesson, Ryan," Matias said and then he bumped fists with my son. Ryan's head bobbed a few times, which was his way of nodding, and then he made the sound that most people dismissed as nothing more than a grunt but that was actually laughter. My eyes met Matias’s as he walked past me before leaving the room. I ignored the shiver of awareness that went through me and went to sit next to my son.
It was a daunting conversation. On the one hand, Ryan was beyond excited to know that he’d be taking a trip with his big brother. But on the other, his distress was obvious when he realized I wouldn't be going with him. We hadn't been apart for even one night since I'd brought him home from the orphanage. I spent a good half hour reassuring Ryan that I was just a phone call away and that I'd see him before he even started to miss me. The act of having him help me pack his stuff seemed to help calm him down, but we were only halfway through the task when I heard raised voices coming from the living room.
"Can you stay here for a minute, Ryan?" I asked. "I’ll be right back."
Ryan gave me a nod. I hurried from the room and got to the living room just in time to hear Cruz yell, "My future father-in-law, Matias? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Cruz and Matias were standing near the television. Cruz was clearly pissed. Elliot was standing just a few feet behind Cruz. He had his fingers on Cruz’s arm, but I wasn't sure if it was to comfort him or to try and hold him back. Matias, for his part, wasn't reacting to his brother’s anger. If anything, he was being too quiet.
"It's all for show," I called as I stepped into the room. As angry as I was at Matias, I couldn't bear to watch him deal with his brother’s wrath. I moved to stand between the brothers and said, "Cruz, there's a lot going on here that you don't understand. The stuff I posted on Facebook was just for show. There's nothing going on between me and your brother." I wasn't particularly proud of the lie, but I figured there would be plenty of time to hash out the truth after all of this was over. As far as I was concerned, the details of any relationship I'd had with Matias wasn't anyone's business anyway.
