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I let Jules entertain me with the latest gossip about some of his friends and who was sleeping with who, then said my goodbyes. But only after Jules made me promise to call him if any cowboy either A) came out and was looking for a boy toy whose mouth could give Hoover a run for their money, or B) any cowboy who said or did the wrong thing to me and needed the wrath of the gay mafia brought down on them.
I felt a little bit better after talking to Jules, but as I drove back up the mountain, the events of the morning started to come back to me, and I found myself making the trip much more reluctantly. I was relieved to see that the little red car was gone when I got back to the ranch. And blessedly, there was no sign of Xavier anywhere. Still, when I got out of the car, I ended up hurrying across the driveway so I could go hide out in my uncle’s office for the rest of the day. I was more determined than ever to get through the finances and then get the hell out of town.
I was a few hours into my work when there was a knock at the door. Assuming it was Uncle Curtis coming to check on me, or to give me yet another box of receipts, I muttered, "Come in," as I wrote down the latest figures from the receipts I'd organized by date. "If you bring me one more box, old man, I'm going to call a friend who says he has access to the gay mafia. I'm not sure what they'll do, but it may involve adding bling to your boots and hat."
When he didn't respond, I looked up.
But it wasn't Uncle Curtis.
The nausea I’d been feeling returned quickly when I saw Xavier staring at me from the doorway.
"I, um, just wanted to make sure you were okay," Xavier murmured. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him what he meant, exactly. Was I okay after he’d left me kneeling on the dirty floor in the barn? Or was I okay after being railed on by his mother because I had the unfortunate luck to look like my father?
"I'm fine," I said. When he didn't move, I added, "Just really busy."
I hoped the hint would get him moving, but he continued to stand there and stare at me. I could feel my body reacting to his presence like it usually did, but this time it left me feeling cold. How could I still want him after the way he’d treated me? I'd opened up to him about something that was humiliating and made me feel like a freak. His response had been to accept and not judge, to give me what I’d wanted. And then he’d dismissed me like I was nothing.
Again.
"I was hoping we could talk… about my mother. I wanted to apologize—"
"It's not a problem," I interjected. I was already smarting from the fact that it was his mother he wanted to talk about and not what had happened in the barn. Yes, what had occurred between me and his mother had sucked, but it was what he’d done in the barn that had made my heart feel like it was being cleaved in two. "She was upset. I get that. Let's just forget it."
"Brooks—" he began, but I cut him off again, desperate for him to get the message.
"I don't care, Xavier," I snapped impatiently. "Let's just forget all of it, okay? All of it," I emphasized. I saw him frown, then his eyes went dark. I couldn't control my body's reaction to the sight. There was something about him getting angry with me that turned me on more than anything else. Maybe because now I knew no matter what, he wouldn't hurt me. At least not physically.
I forced myself not to look away. I was near my breaking point when Xavier suddenly turned on his heel and left the room, quietly pulling the door shut behind him. I let out the breath I’d been holding and immediately felt lightheaded. I leaned back in the rickety office chair and stared at my laptop. I’d told Jules it would take a week, maybe two to get everything done. But I knew I wouldn’t last that long when it came to Xavier. He’d break me. There was no way I'd be able to deny him if he wanted me again, but I wouldn't survive it when he turned his back on me.
A week. It would have to be a week and no more. I'd spend every waking hour working and the rest I'd hide out from the man who held so much power over me. Once I was done, I’d put Eden in my rearview mirror for good. I wasn't willing to lose the connection with my uncle, but I’d find a way to get him to come to me for visits.
