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I knew my words were way too heavy for the moment, but that was what he’d done to me. That was what he’d done by coming after me tonight, by giving me all the things I'd ever needed and making it okay that I needed them in the first place.
"I'm sorry," I murmured with a self-deprecating laugh. I wiped my eyes in the hopes of staving off the tears that were threatening. "Leave it to me to take a fun night and just—"
Xavier's mouth closed over mine gently. I kissed him back, but he broke the kiss too quickly. He reached up to stroke my hair. "Perfect," he said quietly. "It was a perfect night." He pressed his forehead against mine and rubbed my cheek. "I like every version of you there is, Brooks. Because that's what makes you Brooks."
I reached up to clasp the wrist of the hand he was using to stroke my cheek. "What do we do now?" I asked.
"I don't know, baby," he whispered. "I wish we could just keep driving."
I nodded because that was what I wanted too.
Xavier kissed me again, and things quickly turned heated like they always did. The blankets fell away and Xavier maneuvered me so I was lying flat on my back. We’d had sex multiple times overnight and I was exhausted from the orgasms, not to mention my ass burned like a motherfucker, but I still wanted him. I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything in my entire life.
I expected him to take me rough and hard like he always did, but there was something about his movements this time. He didn't seem rushed as he explored my body with his mouth. When he sucked my cock to the back of his throat, he did so without hesitation. I wanted to hold out, but his mouth moved with such finesse over me that I was spilling deep into his throat before I could even warn him. "I'm sorry," I called as I covered my eyes with my hand. Xavier was there instantly, pulling my hand away and settling his body over mine. His hard dick rubbed against my wet one.
"Why are you sorry?" Xavier asked gently as he pressed little kisses to my face. I was ashamed of the tears that were falling.
"I came before you told me I could. I never want to disappoint you, Xavier."
"First off, nothing you ever do could disappoint me, Brooks," he replied, and then he kissed me deeply. I tasted myself on his tongue and I felt my exhausted body stir as it tried to recover from the previous orgasm.
"Second," he added, "this thing between us isn't about you pleasing me. It's about us giving each other what we need. I needed to give you that, and I think you needed it too. This isn't some game for me, Brooks. It's not about me getting off on controlling you and you getting off by submitting to me. It's about giving each other what we need in the moment. And this"—he ran his thumb beneath my eye to collect some of the moisture from my tears—"is never wrong. I love that you feel so much, Brooks. And that you feel safe enough with me to show me that."
It shouldn't have surprised me that the man had known I was just as ashamed of my tears as I’d been of not being able to control my body's response to him. His words comforted me because I had thought he would only want me if there was that element of submission every time we came together. Maybe I’d just been too afraid to think that anything else was possible. Maybe I was afraid of what it would mean. It would be another lost opportunity. Something we could've had if things had been different when we’d been younger. Things that were lost to us now because of everything that had happened.
I pulled Xavier's mouth back down to mine and kissed him because I didn't have the words to express what I wanted to. We made love slowly after that, but he didn't penetrate me again. Instead, he used his hips to grind our cocks together. He wrapped his arms around me and kept his eyes linked with mine as he moved against me. When we came, we kissed and swallowed each other's cries of pleasure. After that, we just lay there, his body on top of mine and my legs wrapped around his. We didn't speak, but we talked with gentle touches and sweet kisses. By the time we got cleaned up in the pond and started the journey back to Eden, all my old fears started to return. I had no idea what would happen when we got back to Black Hills Ranch.
So I put it out of my mind and did the only thing I could do. I held Xavier's hand as he drove, and we talked about everything and nothing while we both did our best not to count down what little time we had left together before we had to rejoin the real world.
