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Do you need a ride home?
I shook my head.
It’s fifteen miles to the house, Maddox.
I wanted to tell him that I wished it was more than that, but he wouldn’t get it, so I settled for, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” then turned and left. The Twinkle, Twinkle lullaby was playing as soon as I stepped outside, but I kept my eyes averted as I turned in the opposite direction. I could feel eyes on me, but knew they weren’t my brother’s or his boyfriend’s.
I kept my pace quick as I cut through the back of the property and headed for the road. Thankfully, the sounds of the lullaby quickly faded away, but unfortunately, the memory of Isaac’s haunted eyes in those three seconds that he’d wanted to take me up on my offer to help stayed with me for the entire walk home.
And long after.
My next encounter with Isaac didn’t happen until Thanksgiving, which was a few days after his warning to stay away from him and his brother. It was another situation where he was forced to deal with me, much like when Newt had insisted on the hug-and-make-up moment. Isaac had done an admirable job of ignoring me at the sanctuary and I hadn’t seen much of Newt either, a sure sign Isaac was keeping close tabs on his little brother. But Thanksgiving was a different story because Dallas had invited me to join him and Nolan at Nolan’s mother’s house. I’d suspected Dallas had probably invited Isaac and Newt to attend, but I hadn’t asked. It’d been a form of plausible deniability on my part. I wasn’t sure what Dallas had told Isaac, if anything, about me attending the dinner, since surely the young man would have declined if he’d known I was going to be there. But based on the look upon Isaac’s face when I walked in the door after Nolan’s mother opened it to me and welcomed me with open arms, I had to guess the young man had just assumed I’d avoid the event.
Under normal circumstances, I would have.
But nothing about my relationship with Isaac was normal, so why would this be any different?
Unfortunately, fate had thrown a wrench into my plans in the form of Sawyer Brower. He too had been invited, and as I watched him and Isaac sitting across the table from me chatting comfortably about nothing, I found myself experiencing an emotion that I was wholly unfamiliar with.
Jealousy.
The green-eyed monster.
And it was ripping into me with a vengeance.
“Would anyone like to say the blessing?” Nolan’s mother asked, then pointedly looked at her son. I’d gotten the impression the relationship between mother and son was a complicated one. Nolan’s father had only recently passed, so this was the family’s first holiday without the man. But there was something more than just grief at work here. The tension and uncertainty between Nolan and his mother was palpable.
Nolan glanced at Dallas, who gave him an encouraging nod. Nolan was sitting at the head of the table while his mother sat at the other end. Sawyer, Isaac, and Newt were across from me and Dallas. Nolan reached for my brother’s hand as he cleared his throat.
“Um, a lot of things have changed for us this year, but we have a lot to be grateful for too.” Nolan glanced at Dallas. “We’ve had the chance to forgive the past and look to the future.” Dallas pulled Nolan’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. The move seemed to relax Nolan even more. His eyes shifted to his mother. “We’ve lost a part of ourselves, but we’ve found something new, too.”
Nolan’s mother smiled and nodded, and I saw her dab at her eyes.
“And we’ve welcomed new friends into our lives,” Nolan added as he nodded at Isaac, Sawyer, and Newt. When Nolan’s gaze shifted to me, I felt myself involuntarily tense up. Things had been going well between Dallas and me this past week, but it wasn’t like we’d turned some big corner. Not enough that it deserved any kind of mention, anyway.
“We’ve also been given a second chance to make amends and to know the true meaning of family.” My heart began pounding harder in my chest at his words. Was it his way of telling me I still had a chance at something with my brother? Dallas and I had avoided the topic of the past like the plague, but surely he and Nolan had discussed what my presence was doing to Dallas. Maybe his words meant things weren’t beyond repair?
The young man looked around the table again. His eyes settled on his mother, then he released Dallas’s hand and clasped his own together in prayer. Nolan’s mother let out a soft cry and then she did the same. Everyone else followed suit. Like many of the residents in Pelican Bay, I knew Nolan’s family put a lot of stock in faith and religion. I’d been to church enough times when I’d been home from West Point to remember that the Graingers had been devoted members of God’s flock, though I’d never seen Nolan with them. So I had to assume that Nolan’s gesture was an important one.
