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My stomach rolled violently as I remembered his comment. I’d been with plenty of closeted gay guys – more than my fair share, actually – but surprisingly, most were closeted because of everyone but the man upstairs. Whether it was secret wives or girlfriends, fear of angering parents, damaging their career, or being shunned by family and friends, I couldn’t remember even one of those guys judging me in the process of deciding they weren’t really gay. Yeah, I’d heard plenty of that “God hates homos” bullshit over the years, but never had a guy who’d come onto me been the one spewing that shit… and clearly believing it too.
“Sheriff Wells, what I said in the car—”
Ford’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere, but I managed not to react to it other than to quickly climb to my feet.
“I’m going to go check if they have an update on Walter,” I interjected before he could finish his sentence and I lost my shit again.
I checked with the triage nurse on Walter’s status but when there was no update, I decided to call into the station to check with Sally-Ann, rather than return to Ford’s side. I almost wanted there to be some kind of emergency that would require me to leave the hospital and return to Pelican Bay. I knew Ford was in capable hands, but somehow the idea of leaving him alone bothered me more than I wanted to admit.
“No updates,” I said to Ford when he looked at me with hopeful eyes once I returned to my chair. His face fell and he went back to looking at his hands, which he was wringing so hard that his knuckles were bloodless. I wanted to reach out and check the temperature of his skin to reassure myself he was once again warm, but I resisted the urge. My own body temperature was starting to normalize because I’d had a chance to change into a set of extra clothes I kept in the car while the firefighter had been taking Ford’s vitals. The ride in the warm car had also helped, but fuck if Ford’s hot, greedy mouth on my skin hadn’t been what had chased every little bit of remaining cold out of the blood flowing through my veins.
I’d been so very aware of the fact that I was engaging in what had been about to turn into a heavy-duty make-out session with a vulnerable young man in the front seat of my police-issued SUV, but I hadn’t cared. I’d literally chosen to ignore that fact and I hadn’t given a fuck who could have potentially seen us there on the side of the highway that linked Pelican Bay and Greenville. I served as sheriff for both towns, but as I’d dropped my head back in submission to Ford’s demanding touch, I’d forgotten who I was and just let myself feel.
When I thought it had been my turn to show Ford just how he was affecting me, I’d ended up with a face full of judgement and condemnation.
No fucking thank you.
I could feel my skin itching with my eagerness to get away from the young man next to me.
“Ford, do you want me to call your mom?” I asked. I’d found Ford’s cell phone in the pocket of his jeans and I knew there was no way it’d survived the time it’d been submerged in the water in Walter’s basement.
Ford shook his head. “She and my stepdad are on a cruise for two weeks,” he said.
“What about Ji—” I began, then caught myself. No way in hell I was going to turn him over to his brother’s care. He’d be lucky if he survived the trip home after the hospital was finished with him.
But Ford had pretty much figured out what I was going to say anyway. “Jimmy’s in Minneapolis visiting a friend for the weekend.” There was something off in the way he said the words, but even if I’d wanted to know what he meant, I knew he wouldn’t have told me.
“You can go, Sheriff. I’ll be fine. Thank you for what you did for me and Walter.”
“Ford Cornell?” a nurse called before I could respond.
Ford dutifully stood up. Anger still bled through my system, but when I saw his feet hesitate in front of me, I looked up at him.
“I’m really sorry,” he whispered. He looked so heartbroken that I found myself nodding.
“Yeah, me too.”
I knew that he was likely apologizing for what he’d said to me after our little impromptu groping session, but I was sorry I’d let it happen in the first place… and that I hadn’t at least gotten a taste of his perfect mouth before the whole thing had gone to shit.
I stayed in the waiting room for another forty-five minutes before a nurse called me up to the registration desk to give me an update on Walter. She was in the middle of explaining to me that Walter was being admitted when I heard someone firmly say, “Ford!”
