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Ford didn’t elaborate on what “stuff” he was talking about, but for a sexually confused teenage boy, I could imagine some of the things he might have possibly sketched.
“Jimmy and his friends followed me in here and wouldn’t stop making fun of me. I was still crying like a baby. I was hurt and scared and angry,” Ford admitted. “So angry,” he whispered.
There was something in the way he said those particular words that caught my attention. Like those emotions had surprised him and still did.
“What happened?” I pressed. Ford was in a half-daze, similar to how he’d been when he’d touched me in his kitchen earlier in the day, but this time it was the past loosening his tongue, not his muddled brain.
“I mouthed off to Jimmy. Embarrassed him in front of his friends. He got upset.” Ford paused, then simply said, “I took off out this door.”
He motioned to the door he was standing in front of. I had a pretty big feeling he’d skipped over a major part of the story, but I didn’t call him on it. I slowly got up and went to stand just behind him as he stared out the top half of the door which was made of glass. It overlooked one of the larger ponds on the property. Ford wrapped his arms around his body.
“It was pitch black out, but I didn’t care. I just started running. I could hear Jimmy screaming my name, but I knew it wasn’t because he was worried about me.”
Ford’s voice was thick with resignation, but I could practically feel the terror he must have been experiencing that night. I didn’t know much about what Jimmy and Ford’s childhood had been like, nor had I had any siblings myself, but I did know what it was like when your hero turned on you.
“I just wanted to go home,” Ford said so softly, I wouldn’t have heard him if I hadn’t been standing behind him. His voice cracked on the last word.
“I know you did, baby,” I said as I put my arm around his upper chest from behind. He tensed briefly, but when I went to remove my hand, he lifted his own and covered it. I held my breath and only released it when Ford finally relaxed slightly.
“How did you get home?” I asked. “Town is almost ten miles away.”
Ford shook his head. “I didn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just started running. I didn’t know which way I was going and I’d left my jacket behind with my backpack. I wasn’t dressed for the elements.”
“When did all this happen?”
“Early November. There was already a foot of snow on the ground but we’d had about a week of warmer temperature so the area lakes and ponds hadn’t fully frozen over. I fell into one of the smaller ponds on the property.”
Ford began shaking hard so I pulled him back against me. I was regretting starting this whole conversation.
“I kept trying to pull myself out of the water but the ice would break beneath me. I tried to scream for help but I couldn’t… my voice was just gone at that point. It was so silent out there,” Ford said as he stared at the pretty little pond. It had been one of my favorite things about the property, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be going forward. Even if it hadn’t been the exact one Ford had fallen into, I’d still probably always imagine his body falling through the ice and disappearing beneath the surface of the water.
“It was like the world was just watching and waiting, you know?” he mused. “There was no pity or mercy… I was just another doomed creature. When I finally managed to find some ice that was a little thicker close to the edge of the pond, I was able to keep the upper half of my body above the water. But I was so cold and tired that all I could do was lay there and listen. To the wind creaking through the trees over my head… to an owl calling out into the night… to the sounds of some small animal as it was grabbed by something bigger than itself… I kept waiting for that moment where I’d feel at peace and I could just let go,” he said with a shake of his head.
The idea of the then little boy releasing his death grip on the slippery ice that had been the only thing keeping him from certain death made my heart pound uncomfortably in my chest. I ended up wrapping my other arm around Ford’s waist and dropping my forehead to his shoulder.
“Ford,” I croaked.
But it was like he didn’t hear me, because he continued by saying, “I’d never felt so alone in my whole life. I kept waiting for Jimmy to show up… I was listening so hard for his voice, his footsteps because I was so sure he’d start to worry about me and come after me.”
