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“Yes, but I don’t see how that means a fucking thing about if you should stay in Destiny with us or not.” Reed’s temper was rising and fast, boiling over, creating an edge in his voice that made her anxious.
There was no turning back now. Summoning all her will to the forefront, she hit the one button in Reed she’d felt from him on the porch. “I’ve never tried even light BDSM. I’ve never even fantasized about it. Will you still want me if I can’t get into it?”
The dark burn she’d seen on Reed’s face vanished, but he didn’t answer her, instead remaining silent. She’d plainly gotten to the crux of the issue that was impenetrable in him.
“Of course we want you,” Sawyer said. “For you, Nicole, I would move heaven and earth. If you don’t like the life, then I will walk away from it. Being a Dom is only one facet of who I am.”
She grabbed his hand. “For you, yes. I believe you would do exactly what you’re saying, Sawyer. But what about Reed?”
“What about me?”
“Can you honestly tell me that you would walk away from your lifestyle just to have a chance with me? I tried to talk to you about BDSM. You answered a few questions but you kept changing the subject. Why? Because, unlike Sawyer, being a Dom is part of you as much as being a cowboy.”
Without warning, Reed kissed her, tracing her lips with his tongue, causing her pulse to burn and her skin to tingle. He released her lips. “Yes. I would give it up for you, Chicago.”
She closed her eyes, knowing he was telling the truth and feeling her heart swell in her chest. “But it’s not right for me to ask you to do that, Reed.”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, sweetheart.”
“What do you mean?”
“First, you said it yourself that you haven’t given much thought to our ways. Why would you? You never had a reason to until now. Second, you don’t get to decide what is right for me. I do that. Third, I want you, Nicole. I’ve never known anyone like you. Sawyer may be able to get into people’s head and figure out what they are thinking before they say a word, but he doesn’t get me the way you do. No one ever has before. That was the real reason I froze on the back porch earlier. I wasn’t sure how to handle that. I know now.”
“I’m so mixed up,” she confessed. “How can this even be possible?” She brought her hands up to her eyes, which were filling with fresh tears.
Sawyer stroked her hair, “Sweetheart, take your time.”
“That’s just it. We don’t have time. I need to talk to Jason’s prisoner. Then I need to get back to Chicago. I know you said you were going with me but do you really think that’s a good idea? Reed, you deserve a woman who can be all you need. I’m not sure that’s me.”
“I’m sure. You’ve got to trust me about that, Chicago. I know you’re worried about not being comfortable with BDSM.” Reed feathered his fingertips up and down her arm. “Stop worrying. In many ways that’s at the center of our lifestyle, baby. Doms create a space for a woman to just be, to embrace her feminine side fully, to trust her deepest instincts, and to really feel pleasure.”
That sounded amazing to her. Had she ever experienced anything like that in her life? Never. “Quite the pitch, Reed.”
“Not a pitch, baby. I feel like you will enjoy our ways more than you can imagine.”
“I sense that, too, Nicole.” Sawyer’s tone was deep and confident.
“You do?”
He nodded.
Reed continued, “If it turns out you can’t embrace BDSM, so be it. I never saw myself living a vanilla life, but if that’s what you need, I will be the most vanilla guy in all of Colorado. You’ll see.”
She smiled, feeling her ancient fears crumbling inside her. Still, a few shreds remained. “Two against one isn’t a fair fight, guys. Don’t you think we’re all being foolish about this? We’re all talking like we’ve settled into something permanent. Not quite a ‘love at first sight’ fling but not far from it either. How is that even possible in the short time we’ve known each other?”
“You mean you didn’t want me the first time you saw me, baby?” Reed was teasing her.
“I thought you both were incredibly sexy, but that was the extent of it. What about you, Reed? I could see in your eyes lust, but you didn’t want more did you? How can you know you want to pursue a relationship with me already? We all got lost in the moment. That’s all.” She hated her words but she could not deny the logic.
“Do you remember what the fortune from Phong’s cookie was? It said, ‘Happiness is right in front of you.’ You’re my happiness. I didn’t believe I would ever feel this way. My parents’ death changed me, made me hard. You, Nicole Flowers, have broken through all my walls. My brother and sister never could do that, but you did. You. I can’t get over how courageous you are.”
“I’m not courageous, Reed.”
“Yes you are,” he said. “You’re a cop through and through, but you’re also a woman.”
Sawyer cupped her chin. “I think you’ve had to be tough for so long you’ve lost sight of that, haven’t you, sweetheart?”
She sighed and felt her shoulders sag. “My whole life has been one long series of fights. I can’t be vulnerable. Whenever I’ve allowed myself to be feminine, to be exposed, everything has come crashing down around me. I’ve learned to expect disappointment. Being with you at the cabin was amazing, but can you honestly tell me we that we can beat the odds? The rule for me has always been to embrace the old saying of ‘all good things must come to an end.’”
