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Erica’s heart began to settle, though only a little. The memory of that awful night sank back into its dark place in her psyche, waiting for the next time to strike. “Cam, I’m so sorry about this. I don’t know what came over me.”
He shook his head. “That’s not true, Erica. You do know. I want you to open up to me. Please. I want to help you.”
“No one can help me,” she told him. “I’m the one who has to work through this. I’m going to see Sam. I’ll talk to him.” But could she? Back when the monster had taken her virginity, she’d kept silent. Even today, the secret was hers alone. She had her reasons.
“Was this about me demanding we go D/s tonight?” His expression of guilt flattened her.
“No,” she said, touching the side of his face, feeling his five-o’clock shadow, which tickled her fingertips. “I loved every bit of it, Cam. You and Dylan are the most amazing men I’ve ever known.” Her heart sunk, looking at the empty spot where Dylan’s car had just been. He and Cam had misread her reaction as something else, a rejection of them.
“If you care for me, Erica, then trust me. Tell me what happened to you tonight.” Even now, there was a hint of demand in his voice, though his overwhelming notes were concern and gentleness.
She sighed. “I’ll tell you as much as I can, okay?”
“Yes. That would please me very much, baby. I want to help you through this pain, whatever it is.”
Erica leaned in and kissed him. “I know you do. That means the world to me.” She looked into his eyes and felt her heart break. It was time to tell someone. After all these years, she must. “I was raped, Cam.”
His jaw dropped and his face darkened. Thankfully, he remained silent. If he had said something, anything, no matter how kind or sincere, she couldn’t have said more. Somehow, Cam knew that. She continued recounting that horrible night.
“After my parents died, we moved in with the O’Learys. I was the only girl and the youngest. The whole town embraced us, trying to ease the loss. I felt the love and it pulled me from my grief some. I wanted the boys to feel better, too. So began my cheery side. I made it my goal to help my brothers and the other boys get better. I’m a fixer. Have been ever since.” She closed her eyes as the memories flooded into her mind. “Things rocked along for a while. The boys got better. I got better. Then my senior year in high school began. It was exciting and wonderful. After I turned eighteen, I concentrated on what I wanted to do with my life. Do you remember how I was back then?”
“I do,” he said softly, stroking her hair. “Dylan and I were smitten by you even then, though we were already in college.”
“I was raped at school, not by a student but by a teacher.”
The veins in Cam’s neck popped out, evidence to her that what she was telling him was enraging him. I should stop. He’s heard enough. But she couldn’t. She’d bottled up her memories for so long, and now that they were out in the open, they would not go back down.
“Go on,” he told her.
“He was a beloved teacher.” Her eyes were swollen from all the tears. She was all cried out. “Mr. Boyd.”
“The band director,” Cam said through clenched teeth.
Erica nodded. She’d been so excited to make first chair in flutes her senior year. “That’s him. Or was.”
“Cancer. I remember. Motherfucker deserved so much worse.”
“Whenever he asked students to stay after class to help him put away instruments, I was always happy to do it. I never thought he was dangerous.” He’d been her favorite teacher before that horrible day.
“No one knew about that asshole.”
“I know. After he took my virginity, I ran back to the O’Learys and went to the bathroom before anyone spotted me. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my skin, crying the whole time, praying for the nightmare to end. It didn’t.”
“I collected money for that dick’s medical bills. Fuck.”
She remembered. It had been so hard to watch the citizens of Destiny support the man who had raped her. “We all did. The whole town. I’d just mustered the courage to confess to my brothers what had happened when Boyd told the school that he had lung cancer. After that, I just couldn’t tell.”
“Goddamn motherfucker.”
“I should’ve seen the signs, Cam. I shouldn’t have gone into the room alone with him.”
“How could you know?”
She shrugged. “I know you’re right, but whenever I go back to that night in my mind, I relive the horror over and over. I still blame myself for being so foolish and not seeing the signs in Mr. Boyd. The secret was mine alone. I was able to shove it deep down inside me. Tuck it away from the light of day. Put on the happy face again for my brothers and the other boys.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t tell anyone. If my mom had been alive, I know I would’ve told her. But she wasn’t. I trust the O’Learys with everything now, but back then, after my parents died, I felt like I owed it to them to be the sunny little orphan they’d taken in. Boyd died and time passed. I haven’t been able to bring myself to visit my parents’ graves because he is buried there too. I’ve missed the memorial service for them every year because I can’t stand to look at his headstone. I’d kept the secret for so long, I just never could bring myself to tell them. After the shooting at the tower and after my abduction by the Russians, my memories of Boyd and the equipment room wouldn’t remain still. When Dylan put my shirt over my head, it reminded me again of the hood the kidnappers had put on me. That’s why I screamed. But it was more than that. The tower shooting, the abduction, the equipment room…I feel completely out of control, unable to protect myself. That’s why I want to learn self-defense. That’s why I wanted to go back to the gun range
.”
He pulled her in tight and squeezed. “I’m here for you. I won’t let you go.”
