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“Oh my God, Sis. This is wonderful news.”
“You forgot, Amber, I can’t have children. I shouldn’t have let it go this far, but I needed them. I wanted to be held.” She felt the tears well up in her eyes. “I’m just a selfish bitch.”
“Stop it.” Her sister grabbed her hand. “You deserve happiness.”
She shook her head. “I can’t let this go on. They are wonderful men and will make amazing fathers. I can’t deny them a full life. It wouldn’t be right.”
“It’s not right for you to choose for them. They deserve to know why.”
“I know they do, Amber, but you should’ve seen their faces tonight. They both are ready to move things to the next level. In fact, Corey told me he wouldn’t let me go ever. If I tell them I can’t have children, I’m sure they will tell me it doesn’t matter. They’re such good men.” Her voice began to shake. “I want them. I do. Maybe we could have several years together that would be amazing. But in five or ten years, I would look at them and know I had stolen something so special from them. I can’t be with Shane and Corey. Can’t you see that? It will break my heart, but I must push them away. I’ve come to terms with my illness and that I will never have my own child. That’s my hell. I can’t drag them down with me.”
“Belle, you have not come to terms with anything. That’s why you’re still awake tonight. You want to be a mother. With all my heart, I want that for you. But even if you can’t carry a child, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a mother. Juan is yours. You’re his mother in every way. Doesn’t he deserve to have a full life, too?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what that—”
Amber held up her hand. “I just want you to wait before you make a final decision. Shane and Corey care about Juan, too. They’re up here two and three times a week taking him horseback riding and dragon hunting.”
“I know. Corey asked me to go on Cody’s next dragon hunting ride with him, Juan, and the other boys.”
“The four of you would make a wonderful family, Belle.”
That image only broke her heart even more. “It just can’t be.”
“Just think about it. Okay?” Amber was quite persuasive.
“I love you, Sis, but what difference will waiting to think more on the issue make? That’s all I’ve been doing since our very first date. Thinking. Over and over. I should’ve never agreed to go out with them in the first place. Now that I’ve slept with them it only makes things worse.”
“Belle, I know you think breaking up is your only choice but you’re wrong.”
“I wish you were right, but I have to do this. Every second that passes I fall deeper and deeper in love with them. If my heart is to survive, I must end it now.”
Amber squeezed her hand. “If you can’t wait, then at least tell them the reason. Let them know why you believe you’re not righ
t for them.”
“You’re the only one that knows my truth, Sis.” Knows I’m a flawed woman. “You’re right. They deserve to know. I will tell them.”
“I bet they will surprise you by what they say.”
She shook her head. “I can’t let that change my mind, Amber. I know you want it to, but I just can’t. I hate this, but I know it’s the right thing to do. The only thing to do. I’m going to fix this. I’m going to lead with my head this time.” Belle’s heart seized in her chest, reminding her of the hold it had on her. I have to talk to them together. It’s the right thing to do.
Chapter Nine
The Boys Ranch Grand Opening was in one day.
It had been two weeks since Belle’s late night talk with Amber. Funny, since they normally had their heart-to-heart sister talks in the early morning, but not so funny was that she hadn’t been able to talk to the guys together.
Shane and Corey were on guard duty for Cindy Trollinger, but worked different shifts, making things impossible for Belle.
She’d made up her mind that she had to talk to them together. How long would Cindy be in town? How long before Lunceford was captured? She hoped soon, for the town and for herself. Avoiding Shane and Corey was becoming more and more difficult.
Coming to their parents’ diner was a risk, as she might run into one of them, but she had an appointment with Alice, Eddie, and Curtis about the festivities.
Twelve new arrivals had joined Juan and the other boys. Things were crazy. They’d just learned this morning that two of the new boys had food allergies. She needed to make sure that their meals for the ceremony would be peanut free. The Blues were graciously providing all the food.
She walked into their diner.
Shane sat at the counter with Jason and Dylan. All their backs were to her, thank God. Shane hadn’t spotted her.
