AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She shook her head. “When I saw the numbers the lawyers were throwing around this morning, I wanted to be sick. After everything you and Harrison have done to put Grant back on its feet, how it nearly broke both of you, I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen again. Because we are a great team. What you said on Friday night about the power we create when we believe in each other? I believe that. I believe we can do anything if we support each other. But I feel as though I’m the only one giving, both with my career and my feelings. It’s like the pendulum has swung entirely the other way.”
He expelled a long breath and pulled his hand out of his pocket to rake it through his hair. “I was scared when you told me about the fellowship. Afraid everything we’d worked so hard for, the intimacy we’d achieved, would vanish if you took that job. Afraid of losing you... I’m still afraid of that. But you’ve proved to me these past few weeks that you will put us first, and I should have considered that before I reacted.”
“I will always put us first,” she said softly. “I’ve learned my lesson. My job was a crutch for me before. I can see that now. If I didn’t let myself be vulnerable, if I always had a backup plan, you could never hurt me like my father hurt my mother. But I’ve finally realized you can’t protect yourself against hurt. To hurt is to be human. And while it might be painful sometimes, you are what makes me feel alive, Coburn. It doesn’t scare me to admit it anymore, because I trust in what we’ve built. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up my identity. I’m a surgeon. I need it like I need to breathe. It’s who I am.”
“I know.” His gaze darkened. “Everything you said on Friday night was true. I have been crazed about your job. I have been completely unreasonable. It’s part of what happened to me as a child. When you are continually deprived of affection, you learn not to expect it from your relationships. When I let myself fall in love with you, I went to the other extreme. I had to be the center of your world. I had to know I was the most important thing to you. And when you put your job first, it made me nuts.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” she conceded huskily, something piercing deep inside her as she finally explored the inside of her husband’s psyche. “I made many mistakes with us, all based in fear. But I won’t let that rule me again, no matter how scared I get. We are too important.”
He captured her hand in his, lacing his fingers through hers, his eyes glittering with a depth of emotion that stole what remained of her composure. “I want you to take the fellowship.”
She stared up at him, her heart thumping in her chest. “Are you sure?”
His mouth tilted up at one corner. “What choice do I have? My wife is a superstar.”
“It won’t be easy.”
“No,” he agreed. “It won’t. But we will make it work.”
Warmth infused her insides, the beginning of a happiness she knew this time she didn’t have to fear. “I went to see Frank this afternoon. He’s agreed to defer the fellowship for a year. That gives me time with the baby and for us to find a great nanny.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
The assurance written across his face that they could negotiate this, that they could negotiate anything that came their way, sent a light-headed wave of relief through her. She went up on tiptoe to kiss him, but this time he was the one to pull away, clasping her hands tight in his. “I want to start over in every way, Diana, beginning with the truth about how I feel about you.”
Her breath jammed in her throat. She could do nothing but hang on tight to his hands as he looked at her, his gaze steady and sure. “When I said I was over a smart mouth and a great body that night at Tony and Annabelle’s party, it was a lie I was telling myself so that maybe someday I could get over you. So that maybe someday another woman would walk into my life and I would love her with the same mindless passion I felt for you. But deep down I knew that would never happen, that I could never love another woman like I loved you.
“When you showed up at that party, I wanted to hate you. I gave myself one last night to erase you from my brain. Cathartic sex, I told myself. But all it did was make me realize how madly in love I still was with you. With the woman I was divorcing the next day.
“I tried to hurt you. I thought by driving you away I’d never be tempted to beg you to come back. But then I couldn’t sign those divorce papers. Knowing you were walking into a war zone made me crazy. And that’s when I knew I was in trouble.”
