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Because ‘anything more’ is not how I live my life. I’ve seen where ‘more’ can take people—how it can screw things up...screw people up...
His mind sheered away from familiar thoughts, familiar reactions. Things he didn’t want to associate with Mel—not Mel.
I just want what we have now—because it’s good...so good—and I want it to go on just the way it is. I don’t see why it can’t, but why can’t she see that, too? Why can’t we just go on the way we are? Not question things the way she’s doing now?
Mel’s face worked. ‘Nikos, I don’t expect anything more of you than what we’ve been having.’ She swallowed, making her voice lighter. ‘Which is the most fantastic holiday that anyone could ever imagine. A holiday that...’ She swallowed again, and this time there seemed to be something in her throat as she did so, though she didn’t know what. ‘That is over,’ she finished.
The expression in his eyes changed. Had she seen a flash of emotion? And if she had, what had it been?
For a moment she thought it might have been relief.
Or had it been regret?
Well, whatever it was, it didn’t matter. All that mattered now was...was...
A strange, hollow sense of emptiness stretched inside her.
All that matters now is saying goodbye...
She made herself move—walk up to him, loop her arms around his neck. He was standing stock-still, all muscles tensed.
‘Nikos, I have had the most fantastic time with you,’ she told him, steeling herself to say what must be said right now—days before she’d thought she would be saying it. She smiled at him, made herself smile, because smiling at this moment was suddenly very necessary to her. ‘But...’
She let him go, stepped away again. She took a breath. It was painful, somehow, to draw breath in and out of her lungs, but she had to do it. Had to say goodbye to him.
‘It’s come to an end, Nikos,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry we’re not getting our...our bonus time in New York, but...well...’ she gave a little shrug with muscles that did not want to move ‘...there it is. All holidays end. So has ours.’
That was all the time they’d planned to have with each other—nothing more. So why was he glowering at her the way he was, his expression rejecting what she was saying to him?
She bit her lip, hating what was happening but knowing there was no alternative.
This has come too fast—I’m not ready...not prepared—
Out of nowhere panic boiled up in her chest, suffocating her. She had to fight it down. Had to make herself speak to him in a tone of voice that sounded reasonable.
‘I’m sorry this has just happened so fast like this—but, oh, Nikos, we always knew this moment would come. Whether now or in a couple of days in New York it doesn’t matter much. We mustn’t make a big deal of it—it isn’t a big deal and it mustn’t become one.’
There was a plea in her voice now—even she could hear it. But who was she pleading with? Him—or herself? Well, she mustn’t think about that. Mustn’t think about anything except making herself reach for her nearby handbag, clutch it to her.
He was still standing there, motionless. His face was frozen, as if turned to stone.
Why is it like this? Why? It shouldn’t be hard to say goodbye and get on with my own life. It just shouldn’t!
‘Nikos, I’m going to take the hotel shuttle to the airport—make that New York flight on my own. I know the London flight isn’t till this evening, so there’s no point you setting off now. And...and I don’t want to say goodbye at an airport...’
I don’t want to say goodbye at all.
The words were wrung from inside her, but she ignored them—she had to.
‘I don’t believe you’re doing this.’
That deep, accented voice. But no longer flat. No longer edged. Just—harsh.
‘It’s for the best. It really is,’ she heard herself say.
She picked up the handle of her suitcase, backing towards the door. As she yanked it open she paused. Looked at him one last time.
For some strange, inexplicable reason he looked out of focus. Blurred.
She blinked, trying to clear her vision. Trying to keep her voice the way it had to be—the only way it could be when a holiday romance came to an end. ‘Have a good flight back,’ she said.
She smiled. Or thought she did. She wasn’t sure.
She wasn’t sure of anything at all except that she had to manoeuvre her suitcase out onto the path that ran along the back of their rooms. A hotel buggy was waiting there, ready to take both of them up to the hotel for the airport shuttle. Now it would only take her.
