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He was engaged. She couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around it. She hadn’t even known that there was a girlfriend in his life, much less a fiancé. It was the last possible thing about him that she ever would have guessed.
Her stomach tightened, and she closed her eyes as one tear escaped the cage of her thick black lashes and rolled down one cheek, and then another tear rolled down her other cheek.
Derrick picked up the phone and answered it distractedly. “This is Derrick,” he said lightly as he tapped away at his keyboard, wondering at the back of his mind why Eva hadn’t bothered to tell him who it was that was calling.
“Derrick! Darling. This is Felicia! How are you my love?” she cooed in his ear.
His head jerked up, and his eyes stared straight forward. “Felicia… what are you calling me for?” he asked in confusion, trying to wrap his head around the fact that she had called him at his office.
“Well, why shouldn’t I call you? You’re my fiancée. We’re going to be married. I’m going to be calling you at the office regularly, I would venture to guess.” She laughed a silvery laugh. “Anyway, that’s all for later. Today I’m calling to talk with you about our wedding. You’ve been gone, and we have planning to do! Now that you’re back, we need to talk about it.” She sounded as if she was laying out a mandate for him.
“No, we don’t,” he answered steadily.
She laughed at him as if he had just told her the funniest joke she had ever heard. “You silly, why of course we do! Now, I wanted to have the ceremony soon. I know you said just a small occasion, but I do have a growing list of people that I just have to invite. It’s kind of like dominoes, you know. You invite this person, and then that person hears about it, and of course you can’t leave them out, and then someone else hears and fully expects to be invited, and before you know it, you have the social event of the season on your hands!” She laughed again with a light tone, as if it was no big thing at all and nothing to concern them.
“Felicia, it has to be a small ceremony. I’m not going to have a big wedding. If you want a big reception at some point in the future, we can talk about that later, but for the official ceremony, I really do just want something small. Family and very close friends only. I mean, less than twenty people. Maybe less than fifteen if we can manage it.” His tone was serious, and he hoped that she would understand.
She sighed. “Alright, I will see what I can do on this end. We do have to set a date, though. I want it right away. As soon as we can. I don’t want to wait to be your wife, especially if we don’t have a big ceremony that takes ages to plan and organize. If it’s just going to be something small, then we can do it right away.” She sounded as if she had never been happier. “Now, about the colors,” she began, but he stopped her.
“Felicia, I mentioned this to you before. I’m not interested in the planning of it. Do whatever you want with it, as long as it’s small. Just let me know where to pick up my tux, and when I have to show up at the church, and you can take care of the rest. Please. That’s all I want to do with it.” He knew that sounded harsh, but he had to be honest with her. He didn’t even really want to marry her, let alone sit in on the planning committee for it. He knew that her parents would be working with her to get it all arranged, and the last thing he wanted to do was sit with them and go over flowers and cakes and colors and locations. He truly could not have cared less about it.
“Listen, it’s your day really, so just make it however you want it to be, as long as it’s small, and tell me where to show up. That’s it. I’ve got to run now; you caught me right in the middle of something.” He was only partly lying. He was working, but it was right in the middle of his workday, so that part was honest.
“Oh darling, couldn’t you pretend to be a little bit interested in our wedding day? Couldn’t you try to be at least a teensy bit romantic for me? After all, it’s our first day together as man and wife for the rest of our lives! It’s one of the most special days we’ll ever share!” He could hear her trying to smile and be positive through the phone.
He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, holding his hand over his forehead. “I’m sorry, you just caught me at a bad time. Please, just go ahead with whatever you want to do.” His voice was kinder, but he had no more interest in any of it than he had had a moment before.
“Oh, alright my dearest. I’ll take care of it for you. I know you’re busy. I’ll handle all of it.” She laughed lightly again and added, “I forgive you, my darling. I love you so much. Toodles!”
She hung up the call, and he sighed and set the phone back down, reaching his hands up to rub his temples. He was trying to stem the headache that he could feel coming on.
The door of his office burst open, startling him. He looked up with wide eyes and saw Eva crossing the room to him with a dark look on her face.
“You’re engaged?” she demanded furiously.
He sighed and stood, pushing himself up from his desk. “Yes, I am.”
“You asshole! How could you be engaged and not bother to tell me? After everything that we have shared? You couldn’t be bothered to tell me that you’re planning on marrying another woman? Maybe that slipped your mind? I didn’t even know she existed because she hasn’t even called here once since I started working for you!” Eva met him face to face in front of his desk.
Frustration began to bubble in him, and he told himself not to raise his voice. “I am engaged, but it never occurred to me to tell you that I was engaged because I don’t feel like I am! It’s a business marriage that my father arranged, basically, and I’m just there to show up and be the stand-in groom! I don’t love her, I don’t even really want her, and I have no real interest in marrying her! I just got… stuck with it, I guess, so no… I don’t think of myself as engaged, even though I am, and I didn’t mention it to you because it doesn’t mean anything to me! She and I aren’t even a couple, and I don’t want her! I want you! I want you more than I ever wanted her!” His voice was getting louder as he grew more passionate about what he was saying, not thinking at all about the words that were coming out of his mouth.
“Listen, I’m sorry if I hurt you! I never wanted to hurt you! I just… I couldn’t keep away from you because I wanted you so much!” He realized he was shouting, and he closed his mouth and stared hard at her.
She was not even a foot in front of him. A gasp escaped her, and she closed her eyes and bowed her head, covering her face with her hands. “Oh Derrick! How could you?” she asked through her hands as she began to cry.
He felt worse at that moment than he had ever felt in any other moment of his whole life. He shook his head once and then reached for her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest. She wept on his shirt and tie and silk vest, breathing in the scent of him as she cried.
“Please, don’t cry,” he whispered softly in her ear as he rubbed his hands over her back to comfort her. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I wasn’t trying to hurt any of us. You and I… we just happened. I didn’t intend for anything serious to happen between us. You’re just… god, you’re so irresistible to me, and I feel like you must have been just as drawn to me, and it happened. It happened at the same time that I was giving her a ring. She and I aren’t dating. We aren’t a couple. Are you listening to me?” He moved his hands to her cheeks and turned her face up toward him, looking into her eyes deeply.
“I don’t love her. I don’t even like her that way. We are not a couple. We are not dating. She is the daughter of my father’s business partner, and I guess it was my father’s fondest wish that I marry her. I’d never have even considered it if it hadn’t been my father’s request. I’m doing it for him, not me. I don’t want her… Eva… all I want is you, and now I can’t have you, ever again, and it’s tearing me up inside!” He felt tears stinging the back of his eyes, and he moved his thumbs to wip
e away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.
“You still want me?” she asked in confused whisper, staring at him through her wet eyelashes.
“I want you more now than I ever did before, but there’s this engagement, and I won’t hurt you. I won’t use you that way. I care about you,” he said quietly. “Please don’t cry…” he pleaded, wiping at her tears again. The tears kept coming, and he gave his head a little shake and leaned close to her, kissing one of them away slowly and tenderly, before lifting his head and leaning in close again to kiss another away.
The nearness of him, breathing in the scent of him, feeling his skin against hers, his lips on her cheeks, made her catch her breath. His words echoed in her mind. He still wanted her. He wanted her more than he ever had. She wanted him just as much as she ever had, if not more, and she knew just how difficult the struggle was to keep things separated between them.
