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She didnt know what to say. Like every girl, shed imagined losing her virginity, but it had never felt like this in her dreams. She stared at him in disbelief. "Wanted that?"
An irritated frown creased his forehead. "Come on, Tully, lets dance. "
The way he said it, so quietly, as if he were actually confused by her reaction, only made it worse. Shed done something wrong, obviously, been a prick tease, and this was what happened to girls who played at it.
He stared at her for a minute longer, then stood up and pulled his pants up. "Whatever. I need another drink. Lets go. "
She rolled onto her side. "Go away. "
She felt him beside her, knew he was staring down at her. "You acted like you wanted it, damn it. You cant lead a guy on and then just go cold. Grow up, little girl. This is your fault. "
She closed her eyes and ignored him, thankful when he finally left her. For once she was glad to be alone.
She lay there, feeling broken and hurt and, worst of all, stupid. After an hour or so, she heard the party break up, heard the car engines start, and the tires pealing through loose gravel as they drove away.
And still she lay there, unable to make herself move. This was all her fault; he was right about that. She was stupid and young. All shed wanted was someone to love her.
"Stupid," she hissed, finally sitting up.
Moving slowly, she got dressed and tried to stand. At the movement, she felt sick to her stomach and immediately puked all over her favorite shoes. When it was over, she bent down for her purse, clutched it to her chest, and made her long, painful way back up to the road.
There were no cars out this late at night, and she was glad for that. She didnt want to have to explain to anyone why her hair was full of pine needles and her shoes were stained with vomit.
All the way home she relived what had happened—the way Pat had smiled at her when he asked her to the party; the gentle first kiss hed given her; the way he talked to her as if she mattered; then the other Pat, with his harsh hands and his probing tongue and fingers, with his hard cock and how roughly hed stuck it up inside her.
The more she replayed it in her mind, the lonelier and more desolate she felt.
If only she had someone she trusted to talk to. Maybe that would ease a little of this pain. But, of course, there was no one.
This was another secret shed have to keep, like her weirdo mother and unknown father. People would say she had it coming, a junior high girl at a high school party.
As she neared her driveway, she walked a little more slowly. The thought of going home, of feeling alone in a place that should be a refuge for her, with a woman who was supposed to love her, was suddenly unbearable.
The neighbors old gray horse trotted up to the fence line and nickered at her.
Tully crossed the street and walked up the hill. At the fence, she yanked up a handful of grass and held it out to him. "Hey there, boy. "
The horse sniffed the handful of grass, snorted wetly, and trotted away.
"She likes carrots. "
Tully looked up sharply and saw her neighbor sitting on the top rail of the fence.
Long minutes passed in silence between them; the only noise was the horses quiet nickering.
"Its late," the neighbor girl said.
"Yeah. "
"I love it out here at night. The stars are so bright. Sometimes, if you stare up at the sky long enough, youll swear tiny white dots are falling all around you, like fireflies. Maybe thats how this street got its name. You probably think Im a nerd for even saying that. "
Tully wanted to answer but couldnt. Deep, deep inside shed started to shake and it took all her concentration just to stand still.
The girl—Kate, Tully remembered—slipped down from her perch. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt with a Partridge Family decal on the front that was peeling off. As she moved forward, her boots made a sucking noise in the mud. "Hey, you dont look so good. " A retainer drew the s into a long lisp. "And you reek like puke. "
"Im fine," she said, stiffening as Kate drew close.
"Are you okay? Really?"
