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Johnny knew he should apologize for last night, but every time he thought about it, he felt a rush of anger. He couldn’t help mentioning her disappointing behavior last night, but even as he brought it up, he knew she would defend herself, and she did. It’s what Kate wanted. It pissed him off. She was still talking about it when he cut her off with: “We’re going to Kauai today. ”
“What?”
“We need time together now. You said so yourself. Our flight is at two, on Hawaiian. ”
“That’s not much time to get ready. ”
“Yeah. ” He was already worried about that. “I gotta go. ” She was still talking, asking something about the weather, when he hung up.
* * *
SeaTac International Airport was surprisingly crowded on this midweek October afternoon in 2006. They’d arrived early, to drop off Kate’s brother, Sean, who was returning home.
At the self-service kiosk, Johnny got their boarding passes, and then glanced at his children, each of whom held some electronic device; Marah was sending something called a text on her new cell phone. He had no idea what a text was and didn’t care. It had been Kate who’d wanted their sixteen-year-old to have a cell phone.
“I’m worried about Marah,” Margie said, coming to stand beside him.
“Apparently I’m ruining her life by taking her to Kauai. ”
Margie made a tsking sound. “If you are not ruining a sixteen-year-old girl’s life, you are not parenting her. That’s not what I’m worried about. She regrets how she treated her mother, I think. Usually one grows out of that, but when your mom dies…”
Behind them, the airport’s pneumatic doors whooshed opened and Tully came running toward them wearing a sundress, ridiculously high-heeled sandals, and a floppy white hat. She was rolling a Louis Vuitton duffel behind her.
She came to a breathless stop in front of them. “What? What’s wrong? If it’s the time, I did my best. ”
Johnny stared at Tully. What the hell was she doing here? Margie said something quietly, and then shook her head.
“Tully!” Marah cried out. “Thank God. ”
Johnny took Tully by the arm and pulled her aside.
“You aren’t invited on this trip, Tul. It’s just the four of us. I can’t believe you thought—”
“Oh. ” The word was spoken quietly, barely above a breath. He could see how hurt she was. “You said ‘we. ’ I thought you meant me, too. ”
He knew how often she’d been left behind in her life, abandoned by her mother, but he didn’t have the strength to worry about Tully Hart right now. He was close to losing control of his life; all he could think about was his kids and not letting go. He mumbled something and turned away from her. “Come on, kids,” he said harshly, giving them only a few minutes to say goodbye to Tully. He hugged his in-laws and whispered, “Goodbye. ”
“Let Tully come,” Marah whined. “Please…”
Johnny kept moving. It was all he could think of to do.
* * *
For the past six hours, both in the air and in the Honolulu airport, Johnny had been completely ignored by his daughter. On the airplane, she didn’t eat or watch a movie or read. She sat across the aisle from him and the boys, her eyes closed, her head bobbing in time to music he couldn’t hear.
He needed to let her know that even though she felt alone, she wasn’t. He had to make sure she knew that he was still here for her, that they were still a family, as wobbly as that construct now felt.
But timing mattered. With teenage girls, one had to carefully pick the moment to reach out, or you’d draw back a bloody stump where your arm had been.
They landed in Kauai at four P. M. Hawaiian time, but it felt as if they’d been traveling for days. He moved down the jetway while the boys walked on ahead. Last week they would have been laughing; now they were quiet.
He fell into step beside Marah. “Hey. ”
“What?”
“Can’t a guy just say hey to his daughter?”
She rolled her eyes and kept walking.
