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There it was, her knife. She eased it open.
The tip was so sharp, so pretty.
She stuck the tip into the pad of her fingertip and felt her skin slice. Blood oozed up, a perfect red droplet, and the sight of it sent that thrill moving through her again. The pressure that had been building in her chest disappeared, like steam released with the turn of a wheel. A few drops slid down the back of her hand and plopped onto the hardwood floor.
She watched the red stream form and fall in awe.
Her cell phone rang. She backed away, looked around, found her phone by her bed. Picking it up, she answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, Marah. It’s me. Tully. I wanted to call you before your big present-opening day started. I know how much time that takes your household, with all that opening one at a time. ”
Marah grabbed a sock from her top drawer and wrapped it around her finger.
“What’s the matter?” Tully said.
Marah squeezed her bleeding finger. The cut throbbed. It should have comforted her, that pain, but with Tully listening to her every breath, all Marah felt was shame. “Nothing. You know … Christmas without her. ”
“Yeah. ”
Marah sat down on the edge of her bed. She wondered idly what would happen if she told someone about her cutting. She wanted to stop doing it; she really did.
“Have you made any friends yet?” Tully asked.
Marah hated this question. “Lots. ”
“They’re mean girls, aren’t they?” Tully said. “The Beverly Hills crowd. ”
Marah didn’t know how to answer. She hadn’t made any friends at BHHS, but she hadn’t really tried to, either.
“You don’t need tons of friends, Marah. You just need one. ”
“TullyandKate,” she said dully. The mythic friendship story.
“I’m here for you, you know that, right?”
“So help me. Tell me how to be happy. ”
Tully sighed. “Your mom would be better at a time like this. She believed in happy endings and life getting better. Me, I pretty much go in for the life-blows-and-then-you-die school of thought. ”
“Believe me, life does blow. And then you die. ”
“Talk to me, Marah. ”
“I don’t like it here,” she said quietly. “I miss her every day. ”
“Me, too. ”
After that, there was nothing to say. Gone was gone. They had both learned that lesson.
“I love you, Marah. ”
“What are you doing for Christmas?”
There was a pause. In it, Marah thought she heard her godmother draw in a breath. “Oh, you know. ”
“It’s all changed,” Marah said.
“Yeah,” Tully said. “It’s all changed, and I hate it. Especially on days like today. ”
