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“How dare you not tell me?”
I am almost too scared to answer. “She made me promise. ”
“She’s a kid. ”
I shake my head. “I was trying—”
“Kate would not forgive you for this. ” He knows exactly how these words strip me bare. He pulls out of my grasp and spins to face his daughter.
She is on her feet, holding on to Paxton as if she would fall without his support. I see now that her eyebrow is pierced and her hair is streaked with purple. She pulls on a pair of jeans and grabs a dirty coat from the floor. “I’m sick of pretending to be who you want me to be,” Marah says. Tears fill her eyes and she wipes them away impatiently. “I’m quitting school and getting the hell out of here. I need my own life. ” She is shaking as she puts on her shoes. I can see it from here.
Paxton nods encouragingly.
“This would break your mom’s heart,” Johnny says, looking as angry as I’ve ever seen him.
Marah stares at him. “She’s dead. ”
“Come on, Marah,” Paxton says. “Let’s get the hell out of here. ”
“Don’t go,” I whisper. “Please. He’ll ruin you. ”
Marah turns. She is so unsteady on her feet, she careens into the wall. “You said every girl needed a poet once in her life. I thought you’d understand. With all your my-job-is-to-love-you bullshit. ”
“She said what?” Johnny shouts. “Every girl needs a poet? Oh, for Chri—”
“He’ll ruin you,” I say again. “That’s what I should have told you. ”
“Yeah,” Marah says, her face tightening. “Tell me all about love, Tully. Cuz you know so much about it. ”
“She doesn’t, but I do,” Johnny says to Marah. “And so do you. Your mom wouldn’t want you anywhere near this kid. ”
Marah’s eyes go flat and blank. “Don’t bring her into this. ”
“You come home with me now,” Johnny says. “Or—”
“Or what? Don’t come home at all?” Marah snaps back.
Johnny looks like he is falling. But he is angry, too. “Marah—”
She turns to Paxton, says, “Get me out of here. ”
“Fine, go,” Johnny snaps.
I stand there, unable to draw a breath. How has everything gone wrong so fast? When I hear the door bang shut, I turn to Johnny. “Johnny, please—”
“Don’t. You knew she was sleeping with … that kid…” His voice cracks. “I don’t know how the hell Kate stayed with you all those years, but I know this: it’s over now. This is YOUR fault. You stay the hell away from my family. ”
For the first time ever—ever—Johnny turns his back on me and walks away.
Seventeen
Oh, Tully.
Over the faint whir of the ventilator and the beep of the heart monitor, I hear the disappointment in Katie’s voice. I forget where my body is—or try to—and live in the memory of where we are supposed to be. The Quad at the UW. Good times.
I lie back in the grass. I can almost feel it beneath me; tiny tips poking into my skin. I can hear the murmur of voices distinct and indistinct; they sound like waves washing up on a pebbled shore. That pure, beautiful light envelopes everything and gives me a sense of peace that is totally at odds with the memory I just shared with Kate.
You let them both walk away?
