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"You might hurt me. Even if you don't mean to. But . . . I'm willing to take that risk." She looked down at him, and this time there was no fear or uncertainty in her eyes, there was only the reflection of her inner strength and her determination. She gave him a quick, nervous smile, then bit down on her lower lip. "I've never taken it before, but with you ... I want to."
Their gazes met, held, and he felt for a dizzying second as if he were falling. The darkened world spiraled away from them, left them alone in a universe all their own. He stared up into her face, seeing the courage it took for her to trust him, and the truth of how he felt about her washed over him in a sudden, unexpected wave. He loved her.
He wanted to say the words to her, ached to say them, but something held him back. Maybe it was the look in her eyes, the sadness and fear and uncertainty, maybe it was his own troubled past. He didn't know, and for the moment, he didn't care.
For now, it was enough simply to be with her, to see her tenuous smile and know it was for him. For now, it was enough simply to love her.
Chapter Twenty-three
She leaned forward slowly, with a virginal hesitancy that made his blood race. The amethyst caught what little light there was and reflected it in a thousand purple and white shards.
At the touch of her lips, so soft and uncertain, Killian felt a rush of heat through his body. He cupped her small-boned face in his big, rough hands and marveled at the texture of her skin, at the velvety feel of the hair that brushed his fingertips.
Gently he drew her onto his lap and pulled her legs around his body. Her bare feet locked behind him, her arms coiled around his neck. He felt the heaviness of her butt pressing into his groin, and he wanted to caress her, explore her body, but he didn't allow himself to. Not yet. He wanted to give Lainie everything there was in him to give, and to do that, he had to let her take it as she would.
He sat perfectly still, ignoring the throbbing heat of desire, letting her control the kiss.
She made a small sound like an indrawn breath and kissed him harder. Her arms tightened around him, drew him against the round softness of her breasts. The dust and sunshine scent of her filled his nostrils, reminded him with every breath that he was with Lainie, only
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Lainie, and it seemed as if he'd been waiting a lifetime for her.
He buried his hands in her cropped hair, feeling the short, silky strands push between his fingers. He deepened the kiss, drove his tongue into the moist sweetness of her mouth, tasting, exploring. A hot flame speared through his heart, made it difficult to breathe. His groin swelled and ached. He made a sound like a low, throaty groan of pain.
She drew back. "D-Did I do something wrong?"
The look she gave him was so innocent, he wanted to burst out laughing. The truth of her past was right there in her face, in the hint of a frown that pulled at her brow, in the hesitant downturned corners of her mouth. She could say she'd been "bad" from now until forever, but after this moment, he'd always know the truth. In her soul, where such things mattered, Lainie was as virginal as a girl. Her body may have been used and abused and violated, but no man had ever reached beyond her body and touched her spirit.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he said softly, kissing her. Her lips clung to his as he pulled back. He stayed just close enough to feel her breath against his mouth. "What should we do now?"
She yanked backward. "Jesus, don't tell me you're a virgin."
He chuckled. "Yeah, Lainie, I was saving myself for you."
"Ha. Ha. Well, what do you mean, then? You know what to do."
"Maybe I want to do what you want to do."
"I-I don't know what to do." She blushed. "I mean, beyond the basics, you know. Tab A into slot B. The ... men I've slept with were bigger on time reduction than technique."
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"Not this time, Lainie. We have all the time in the world. Why don't we start by getting undressed?"
Her eyes bulged. "It's daylight. I ... I was thinking we could just unbutton our jeans this morning. Then, tonight?"
He kissed her into silence and eased the sweater off her shoulders. The thick red fabric slid down her arms and puddled across her lap. She shivered and tried to draw back.
He held her in place. "Uh-uh, Lainie. Relax."
"I am relaxed."
"I don't think so."
