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"Why?"
"You broke my heart. "
She leaned the tiniest bit toward him. "Dont be afraid," she whispered, reaching for him.
TWENTY-TWO
ANGIE HAD FORGOTTEN HOW IT FELT TO BE REALLY kissed. It made her feel young again; better than young, in fact, because there was none of the angst or fear or desperation that came with youth. There was just this feeling moving through her, electrifying her body, making her feel alive again. A tiny moan escaped her lips, disappeared.
Conlan pushed her back.
She blinked at him, feeling that edgy near-pain of desire. "Con?"
He felt it, too. She could see it in the darkness of his eyes, in the tightness around his mouth. For a moment there, hed lost himself; now he was climbing to safer ground. "I loved you," he said.
If there had been a veil left over her memories, the past tense of that sentence would have ripped it free. In three words, hed bared his soul and told her everything that mattered.
She grasped his arm. He flinched, tried to draw back. She wouldnt let him. In his eyes, she saw uncertainty and fear. A hint of hope was there, too, and she seized on it.
"Talk to me," she said, knowing that hed learned not to talk to her. In the months after Sophies death, shed become so delicate that hed learned to hold her in silence. Now he was afraid to care about her, afraid her fragility would return and, like a rising tide, drown them.
"Whats different now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Our love wasnt enough for you. "
"Ive changed. "
"Suddenly, after eight years of obsession, you just changed, huh?"
"Suddenly?" She drew back. "In the last year Ive lost my father, my daughter, and my husband. Do you really think I can go through all of that unchanged? But of all of them, Con, the one that rips me apart and keeps me awake in the middle of the night is you. Papa and Sophia . . . they were meant to go. You . . . " Her voice dropped. "You, I left behind. It took me a long time to realize that. I wasnt there for you. Not the way you were there for me, and its hard to live with that. So, sudden change? I dont think so. "
"I knew how deeply you were hurting. "
"And I let that be what mattered. " She touched his face again, gently. "But you were hurting, too. "
"Yes" was all he said.
They stared at each other in silence. Angie didnt know what else to say.
"Make love to me," she said, surprising herself. The desperation in her voice was obvious. She didnt care. The wine had made her bold.
His laughter was shaky and forced. "Its not quite that simple. "
"Why not? All our lives weve followed the rules. College. Catholic wedding. Career. Kids. " She paused. "That was where we got caught. We ended up like those animals in the Kalahari who get stuck in the mud and die. " She leaned toward him, so close he could have kissed her if he chose. "But theres no map for us anymore. No right way. Were just a couple of people who have lived through tough times and come out in a new place. Take me to bed," she said softly.
He cursed. There was anger in his voice, and defeat.
She seized on that. "Please. Love me. "
He groaned and reached for her, whispering, "Damn you," as his mouth found hers.
THE NEXT MORNING, ANGIE WOKE TO THE FAMILIAR CADENCE of rain hammering the roof and sliding down the windowpanes.
Conlans arms were around her, holding her close even in sleep. She backed into him, loving the feel of him against her skin. His slow, even breathing tickled the nape of her neck.
Theyd slept in this position for all of their married life, spooned together. Shed forgotten how safe it made her feel.
