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By April shed begun to face the question: What next?
Shed been bumping along for the last few months, looking only as far ahead as her next shift at the restaurant or her next date with David. But now--again-- hed asked her the Big Question, and she knew it was time to stop avoiding the obvious.
"Well?" David said, nudging her.
They were cuddled close on the sofa, their arms entwined. A fire crackled in the hearth.
"I dont know," she said softly. The three words were beginning to wear out their welcome.
"My mom said she talked to the lawyer again last week. He has several couples who are dying to raise it. "
"Not it, David. Our baby. "
He made a heavy sound. "I know, Lo. Believe me, I know. "
She lifted her face toward his. "Could you really do it? Just walk away from our baby, I mean?"
He untangled himself from her and got to his feet. "I dont know what you want from me, Lauren. " His voice cracked. She realized suddenly that he was near tears.
She went to him, stood behind him, and put her arms around his waist. She couldnt get close enough; her belly was so big. The baby kicked her, a featherlight flutter.
"What kind of parents would we be?" David asked, not turning to look at her. "If we give up college, what will we do? How will we afford--"
She slipped around to face him. This was one answer she had. "Youre going to Stanford. No matter what. "
"Im supposed to just leave," he said dully.
Lauren looked up into his watery eyes. She wanted to tell him it would all work out, that their love would always see them through, but she felt too small right now to reach for the words, and the tiny tap-tap-tap in her stomach reminded her of how different this moment was for each of them.
She would lose him if she kept their child.
Hard choices, Angie had said to her once. How was it that Lauren hadnt truly understood that until this moment?
She was going to say something--she wasnt sure what--when the doorbell rang.
She sighed heavily, extricating herself from his embrace. "Coming. "
She opened the door and saw Ernie, the mailman. He held several small packages and a bunch of letters.
"Here you go. "
"Thanks. " She put the packages on the table by the door and flipped through the letters. One was addressed to her.
"Its from USC," she said, feeling her heart lurch. Shed forgotten about her applications in all the craziness of the past few weeks.
David moved toward her. He looked as scared and nervous as she felt. "You know you got in," he said, and she loved him for that confidence.
She opened the letter and read the words shed dreamed of. "I did it," she whispered. "I didnt think--"
He pulled her into his arms and held her. "Remember our first date? After the Aberdeen game. We sat down at the beach, by the huge bonfire. While everyone else was running around and dancing and drinking, we talked. You told me you were going to win a Pulitzer someday, and I believed you. Youre the only one who doesnt see how great you are. "
The Pulitzer. She couldnt help touching her swollen belly. Give yourself a chance, her mother had said. Dont end up like me.
"What should I do?" she whispered, looking up into Davids blue eyes.
"Take the scholarship," he said, and though his words were harsh, there was a softness to his voice.
It was the right thing to do; she knew that. At least, she knew it in her head. Her heart was a different matter. How could she raise a baby if she had no education, no prospects? Once again she thought of her mother, on her feet, cutting hair all day and drinking all night, looking for love in dark places. She sighed heavily. The truth poked through her defenses, sharp as a tack. She wanted to go to college. It was her chance to be different from her mother. Slowly, she looked up at David again. "The lawyer found good people to take the baby?"
