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Angie got to her feet and went to Lauren. "Im sure your mother loves you, Lauren. Shes just confused right now. "
"The weird thing is, I miss her sometimes. I wake up crying and realize I was dreaming about her. Do you think those dreams will go away?"
Angie touched Laurens cheek gently. "I think a girl needs her mother forever. But maybe it will stop hurting so much. And maybe someday shell come back. "
"Needing something from my mother is like waiting to win the lottery. You can buy a ticket every week and pray, but the odds arent good. "
"Im here for you," Angie said. "And I love you. "
Lauren felt the sting of tears. "I love you, too. " She threw her arms around Angie and clung to her. She wished she never had to let go.
WITH EACH PASSING DAY, ANGIE FELT HERSELF TIGHTENING. One twist of the spine at a time, until by early June she had a constant headache and it hurt to get out of bed. Conlan kept telling her that she needed to see a chiropractor. Shed nod and say, "You know, youre right," and sometimes she even went so far as to make an appointment.
But she knew the source of her problem didnt reside in her bones. It was a heart thing. Every sunrise brought her closer to the baby shed always wanted . . . and closer to the day Lauren would leave.
The truth was, it was chewing Angie up inside; these two needs of hers couldnt coexist.
Conlan knew this, of course. His recommendation of a chiropractor was purely out of form, a mans need to find solutions. When they lie in bed at night, as fitted together as long lost puzzle pieces, he asked the questions that mattered. She answered each one, no matter how it hurt.
"Shell be leaving soon," he said tonight, drawing Angie closer, stroking her upper arm with his thumb. "She wants to go to Los Angeles early to find a job. The counselor thinks arrangements can be made for her to housesit a sorority for the summer. "
"Yeah. "
"Its the way it has to be," Conlan said.
Angie closed her eyes, but it didnt help. The images were carved into her mind: Lauren packing up, kissing them good-bye, moving out. "I know," she said. "I just hate to think of her being all alone. "
Conlans voice was gentle when he said, "I think shell need to get away. "
"She doesnt know how hard its going to be. Ive tried to tell her. "
"Shes eighteen years old. Were lucky she listens to us about anything. " He tightened his hold. "Theres no way you can prepare her for this. "
"Theres a chance . . . " Angie marshaled her strength to finish. "She wont be able to do it. "
"Are you ready for that? Last time--"
"This isnt last time. With Sarah, I thought about the baby all the time. I used to go sit in the nursery and imagine how it would be. Id call her Boo; shed call me Mommy. I dreamed every night about rocking her to sleep, holding her in my arms. "
"And now?"
She looked at him. "Now I dream about Lauren. I see us at her college graduation . . . her wedding . . . then I see us waving good-bye and shes always crying. "
"But youre the one who wakes up with wet cheeks. "
"I dont know if I can take her baby from her," Angie said, finally daring to voice her deepest fear. "And I dont know how I could possibly refuse. All I know is either way, our hearts get sliced open. "
"Youre stronger now. We are. " He leaned over to kiss her.
"Am I?" she said as soon as he drew back. "Then why am I afraid to get Papas cradle from the boxes?"
Conlan sighed, and for a moment she saw the fear in his blue eyes. She wasnt sure if it belonged to him or if it were a reflection of hers. "The Field of Dreams bed," he said quietly, as if hed just remembered it.
Her father had built it by hand, polishing each bit of wood to a satin finish. Hed said he got the idea from the Kevin Costner movie.
There had been tears in Papas eyes when he presented the cradle to his Angelina. I build it, he said. Now she will come.
"Just hold on to me," Conlan said at last. "Ill keep us steady no matter what. "
