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Lauren understood what Mrs. Haynes wasnt saying as clearly as what she was. If you really love David, you wont make him ruin his life.
It was the same thing Lauren had thought on her own. If he loved her enough to give it all up, didnt she need to love him enough not to let him?
"If you need to talk about any of this, anytime, you come to me," Mrs. Haynes said.
It surprised Lauren, that offer. "Thank you. "
"Tell your mother Ill call her tomorrow. "
Lauren didnt even want to think about that conversation. "Okay. "
She didnt know what else to say, so she hit the door lock button and climbed out of the car.
"What the hell did she say to you?" David said, slamming the car door shut behind her.
Lauren stared at him, remembering how his mother had cried, so quietly and yet so deeply; as if her insides were breaking. "She said she loves you. "
His face crumpled at that. "What are we going to do?"
"I dont know. "
They stood there a long time, staring at each other. Then, finally, he said, "I better go. "
She nodded. When he kissed her good night, it was all she could do not to cling to him. It took pure willpower to let him walk away.
LAUREN FOUND HER MOTHER IN THE LIVING ROOM, SITTING on the sofa, smoking a cigarette. She looked jittery and nervous.
Mom put her drink on the floor. "I meant to go with you today. "
"Yeah. What happened?"
Mom reached for the drink again. There was a noticeable trembling in her hand. "I went to the mini-mart for smokes. On the way home, I ran into Neddie. The Tides was open. I thought Id have a quick drink. I needed one to . . . you know . . . but when I looked up again it was too late. " She took a drag off her cigarette, looked at Lauren through the gray haze. "You look bad. Maybe you should sit. You want an aspirin? Ill get you one. "
"Im fine. "
"Im sorry, Lauren," she said softly.
For once, Lauren heard real regret in her mothers voice. "Its okay. " She bent down and started picking up pizza boxes and empty cigarette packs from the floor. "It looks like you and Jake had quite a party last night. " When Lauren looked up, her mother was crying. It warmed her heart, that simple proof of emotion.
Lauren went to her, knelt beside the sofa. "Im okay, Mom. You dont have to cry. "
"Hes going to leave me. "
"What?"
"My whole life is nothing. And Im getting old. " Mom put out her cigarette and lit up another.
This hurt more than the slap. Even now, on this terrible day, her mothers thoughts were on herself. Lauren swallowed hard, moved away. Very slowly she went back to picking up the apartment. She had to hold back tears with every breath. "I didnt go through with it," she said quietly.
Her mother looked up. Her eyes were bloodshot and rimmed in blurred mascara. "What?" It took her a minute to figure out the meaning of Laurens words. "Tell me youre kidding. "
"Im not kidding. " Lauren tried to be strong, but it felt as if she were crumbling. The pain in her heart was swift and sharp. As much as she knew it was crazy-- impossible--she wanted her mother to open her arms right now, to hold her as she never had, and say, Its okay, honey. "I couldnt do it. Im the one who needs to pay for my mistake, not . . . " She looked down at her stomach.
"Baby," her mother said coldly. "You cant even say the word. "
Lauren took a step forward. She was biting her lower lip and wringing her hands. "Im scared, Mom. I thought--"
"You should be scared. Look at me. Look at this. " She stood up and made a sweeping gesture with her hands as she crossed the room. "Is this the life you want? Did you study like a fool for this? Youll lose out on college this year--you know that, right? And if you dont go now, youll never go. " She grabbed Lauren by the shoulders and shook her. "Youll be me. After all your hard work. Is that what you want? Is it?"
