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He hadn’t realized until he exhaled a wobbling breath that he hadn’t been breathing. He’d been afraid Julian had already wakened her.
Now, for the first time, it felt important—essential even—that Liam be the one to reach her.
“Heya, Mike,” he whispered, starting the music. Today he chose something by Andrea Bocelli
, to remind her of the sad, aching sweetness of life.
At her bedside, he set down the duffel bag and unzipped it, extracting a navy cashmere sweater, the one she’d bought for him on their last trip to Vancouver. Very gently, he placed it on her chest.
“Can you smell me, Mike? Me?” He knew that if he closed his eyes, he would remember that last day of their trip. They’d driven across the Canadian border to see a road show performance of Rent, and in that darkened theater, amid a crowd of strangers, they’d held hands like a couple of school kids.
“You bought me the sweater the next day, remember? I tried to tell you that it was too expensive, that a cotton sweater from Eddie Bauer was good enough for me. ” His voice broke. “And you said nothing was too good for me. ”
He took hold of her hand. “But that’s not what I came here to say, is it?”
He lowered the bed rail. Slowly he climbed into bed beside her. “I don’t know why I never thought to bring one of my own sweaters before. Last night I woke up in a cold sweat, thinking that very question. I thought of everyone but me … everyone you loved except me. You always said that was my greatest strength—that I thought of everyone before I thought of myself. But it’s my weakness, too, and we both know that. ”
He brought her arm up, hating the lack of resistance in her limb, and kissed the back of her hand. “I let everyone else feed you memories because I was afraid of the power they held. I was afraid of … breaking. I still am, I guess, but I can’t let another day pass without going through that fear. It seems that all I can think about is you and Julian. He fell in love with a young girl who had big dreams and seemed at home in the fast lane, a girl who charmed the whole country. I can’t imagine that woman at all. I fell in love with a nurse with haunted eyes and a heart that was tender to the touch.
“There’s a whole part of you I never knew, and knowing that makes me feel … lost. Like our life together wasn’t real. ”
He took a deep breath. “When I think of us, I think of little things. Like last Christmas, when we all went skiing at Schweitzer Mountain, and you said the only thing to look forward to in a sport that froze your nose hairs was quitting it. ”
He smiled at the memory. For the first time, his words had brought her to him. Not the wife who was frozen in sleep, but the laughing, vibrant woman he’d married.
“When we got home, it was just in time for Glacier Days. As usual, you were the big kahuna, organizing everyone. ”
An unexpected memory hit him hard and he laughed out loud. “Remember what happened in the gym? I was the last one in there, trying to figure out how to get into that damn hairy suit. Everyone else was outside, gearing up for the sled race. ”
He grinned. “You came looking for me. You were wearing that ridiculous ice princess costume for the horse rescue float, and you said, ‘I’ve always loved a man in a Bigfoot costume. ’ I grabbed your hand and dragged you into the boys’ locker room. You locked the door. ”
She had laughed along with him. Liam, not here …
He’d swept her into his arms, lifting her up until her feet didn’t even touch the floor. The kiss she gave him was deep and sexy, and seemed to draw every bit of air from his lungs.
He’d torn off her gauzy white polyester dress and the white silk long johns she wore underneath …
“You were as crazy as I was. You unzipped my costume and pulled it off of me …”
Liam laughed, a deep throaty sound that he hadn’t heard in weeks. “Jesus, I feel like one of those 1-900 operators. Remember what happened next, Mike? Remember?”
“We made love right there—us, a married couple with two kids and a whole town waiting for us outside, and we went at it like a couple of horny teenagers. In the middle of it all, Myrtle knocked on the locker room door.
“There we were, lying on the floor of the boys’ locker room, all naked and sweaty, our bodies twisted together like a licorice whip. I had to put a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. But you were laughing so hard, your shoulders were shaking and there were tears in your eyes. ”
He sighed. “Jesus, you were beautiful. I’ll never forget how beautiful you were right then and how it felt to have you in my arms, with nothing between us.
“When Myrtle left, you laughed so loud, I thought the whole damn town would hear you. You said, ‘There goes our reputation. ’ And I laughed along with you. ‘Speak for yourself,’ I said. ‘This is going to do my reputation a world of good. ’”
He stroked her hair, noticing the trembling in his hand. “That’s who we were, Mike. Who we can be again if you’ll just open your eyes and look at me. I love you. Always. I love you. ”
Very slowly he leaned down and kissed her forehead, murmuring, “Forever. ”
Chapter Sixteen
Julian woke up with a deadly hangover. It was inevitable, of course. There was nothing to do in this Norman Rockwell town except sit in your room, watch one of three channels, and drink. Last night he’d spent at least two hours trying to get Val on the phone. At every busy signal, he’d taken a swig of Scotch.
Groggily, he turned onto his side and reached for the phone, punching in Val’s office number. Susan answered on the second ring: “Lightner and Associates. ”
