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“Where are the kids?”
Caroline turned back to the album, flipped through a few more sand-and-surf photographs, and came toa stop.
This one was in a hospital room festooned with balloons and flower bouquets. Caroline was in bed, wearing a frilly white nightgown and an exhausted smile. For once, her hair was a mess. She held a tiny baby in her arms; the red-faced infant was wrapped in a pink blanket.
Here, at last, was a genuine smile, the kind that shone like sunlight.
Nora should have seen that smile in person, but she hadnt. Oh, shed visited Caroline in the hospital, of course. She had come, bearing an armload of expensive gifts. Shed talked to her daughter, commiserated about labor, then commented on how pretty the baby was . . . and then shed left. Even then, with the miracle of a new generation between them, they hadnt really talked.
Nora hadnt been there when Caroline realized how terrifying motherhood was. Who had said to her, Its Okay Caro; God made you for this"
No one.
Nora clamped a hand over her mouth, but it was too late. A small, noise escaped. She felt the tears burn her eyes and streak down her cheek. She tried to hold her breath but it broke into little gasps.
Mom?" Caroline said, looking at her.
Nora couldnt meet her daughters gaze. "Im sorry . . . ” She meant to add for crying, but the apology cracked in half.
Caroline was quiet.
Nora didnt realize that her daughter was crying until a tear splashed onto the album, landed in a gray blotch beside a picture of Jenny in a bassinet.
Nora reached out, placed her hand on Carolines cold, still fingers. “Im so sorry,” she whispered again.
Caroline bent her head. A curtain of hair fell forward, hid her face. “That was the day I missed you most. ” She laughed unevenly. “Jeres mom was a take-charge kind of gal. She whipped in and packed me up and sent me on my way with a list of instructions. ” Another tear fell. “I remember the first night. Jenny was in a bed beside me. I kept reaching out for her, touching her little fingers, stroking her little cheek. I dreamed you were standing beside my bed, telling me it would be okay, not to be afraid. ” She turned, looked at Nora through mascara-ruined eyes. “But I always woke up alone. ”
Nora swallowed hard. “Oh, Caroline . . . ”
“I tried to remember that prayer you used to say when I was scared at night. I know it was stupid, but Ijust kept thinking that everything would be fine if I could only remember those words. ”
“Starlight, star bright, protect this baby girl against the night. ” Nora smiled uncertainly. “Caro, there arent enough words in this galaxy to say how sorry I am for what I did to you and Ruby. ”
Caroline leaned toward her and let Nora take her in her arms.
Noras heart cracked open like an egg. She was crying so hard she started to hiccup. When Nora drew back, she saw Ruby, sitting on Carolines other side.
Her face was pale, her lips drawn into a thin line. Only her eyes revealed emotion; they were shimmering with unshed tears.
Ruby stood up. “We need to drink. ”
Caroline wiped her eyes self-consciously and frowned. “I dont drink. ”
“Since when? At the junior prom, you-”
"Its a dozen lovely memories like that one that keep me sober. In college, Jere used to call me E. d. for easy drunk. Two drinks and I start thinking strip-and go-naked is a perfect game.
“E. D? E. D. ? Oh, this is too good. Im twenty-seven years old and I havent gotten drunk with my sister since before it was legal. Tonight were changing all that. ”
Nora laughed. “The last time I drank, I drove into a tree. ”
“Dont worry-I wont let you drive,” Ruby promised.
Caroline laughed. “Okay. One drink. One. ”
Ruby did a little cha-cha-cha toward the kitchen, then threw back her head and said, “Margaritas!” Before Nora had figured out how to start another conversation with Caroline, Ruby was back, dancing into the living room with glasses that could have doubled as Easter baskets.
Nora took her drink, then laughed out loud when Ruby went to the record player, picked an album, and put it on.
