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“Yeah,” Dean said, but he didnt feel the truth of it in his bones.
“I know what love is, pal. Shell come back to you, and if she doesnt, shes too stupid to live. ”
Dean came up to a sit. This was the one subject theyd steered clear of, the thing Dean had never been able to ask and Eric had been too cautious to mention.
But it had always been between them. At first, it had been the size of a boulder; now, it was a pebble. But always, it was there, nagging, waiting to be released. “What was it like between you and Charlie?”
Eric made a little sound of surprise. “You sure you want to go there?”
“Yeah. ”
A slow, heartbreakingly earnest smile transformed Erics face, made him look almost young again. “I looked at Charlie and saw my future. ” He grinned. Not that this seemed like a good thing at the time, mind you. I mean, I knew I was supposed to see my future on a body that held a uterus. I didnt want to be gay. I knew how hard it would be . . . that it would mean giving up the American Dream--kids, a house in the suburbs, my own family. It tore me up inside. "
Dean had never thought about that, about what it really meant to be gay. To have to choose between who you were and who the world thought you should be. “Jesus . . . Im sorry. ”
“I wanted to talk to you about it, but you were sixteen years old. And I was afraid youd hate me. So I kept silent. Finally, what I felt for Charlie was more important than everything else. I loved him so much and when he died, a huge part of me went with him. I wouldnt have made it without Nora. She was always there with me . . . ” He closed his eyes. His breathing made a fluttering sound. Then suddenly he woke up, angled forward. “Where did I leave my eraser?”
Dean touched his brothers forearm. "Its on the kitchen table. Ill bring it to you.
“Oh. ” Eric immediately calmed down and sank back into the pillows. “Do you think theyll be here soon?”
Dean stroked Erics forehead. Any day now. When he heard his brothers breathing even out into sleep, Dean lay back in the grass and closed his own eyes. The hot sun felt good on his face, and if he tried really hard, he could almost pretend that this was an ordinary summers day from long ago. That he and Eric were exhausted, sleeping on the beach after a day spent swimming in the cove . . .
He woke when a car drove up. “Hey, Lottie,” he called out, waving sleepily. He didnt bother to get up. It felt so good to lie here with his eyes closed.
“Is that any way to greet your newly famous, still ringless fiancee?”
Deans eyes snapped open. Ruby was standing beside him, arms akimbo, blocking out the suns rays.
He scrambled to his feet and swept her into his arms, giving her the kisses hed been counting since she left.
She drew back, laughing. “Jeez, Im going to have to make a point to leave lots in our marriage. Coming home is great. ” Taking his hand, she bent down to Eric, who was still sleeping. “Hey, Eric,” she said softly.
Eric blinked up at her. “Hi Sally. ” She frowned at Dean.
“Hes getting pretty bad,” he whispered. "Keeps forgetting where he is.
Ruby sagged against him. Dean anchored her in place with an arm around her waist. We watched you and Nora on The Sarah Purcell Show. You were great. "
Ruby grinned. “It was fun. In a reporters following-you-into-the-bathroom-stall sort of way. Being famous is harsh. I turned down the sitcom offers. ”
“Really?”
“I took a book deal. A novel this time. I figured it was something I could do up here. ”
“Hey, guys!” Nora shouted, waving. She came beside them, limping on her brand-new walking cast. She touched Deans shoulder. “Hows Eric?”
Dean shook his head, mouthed Not good.
Erics eyes opened again, focused. “Nora? Is that you?”
She knelt beside him. If she was shocked by how bad he looked, she showed no signs of it.
“Im here, Eric. ” She held his hand. “Im here. ”
“I knew youd be here any minute. Have you seen my eraser? I think Sally hid it. ”
“No, honey, I havent seen it. ” Her voice was throaty.
