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“Dont bother; baby brother. Not for me. ”
“Dont bother what?”
“Pretending not to be shocked at the way I look. ” Eric reached for the small pink plastic cup on his bedside tray. His long, thin fingers trembled as he guided the straw to his mouth. He sipped slowly, swallowed. When he looked up at Dean, his rheumy eyes were filled with a terrible, harrowing honesty. “I didnt think youd come. ”
“Of course I came. You should have told me . . . before. ”
“Like when I told you I was gay? Believe me, I learned a long time ago that my family didnt handle bad news well. ”
Dean fought to hold back tears, and then gave up,They were the kind of tears that hurt deep in your heart. He felt a stinging sense of shame.
Remorse, regret, boredom, anticipation, ambition . . . these were the emotions that had taken Dean through life. Those, he knew how to handle, how to manipulate and compensate for. But this new emotion . . . this feeling in the pit of his stomach that hed been a bad person, that hed hurt his brother deeply and known it and never bothered to make it right . . .
Eric smiled weakly. “Youre here now. Thats enough. ”
“No. Youve been sick for a long time . . . by yourself. ”
“It doesnt matter. ”
Dean wanted to smooth the thin strands of hair from Erics damp forehead, to offer a comforting touch, but when he reached out, his hands were trembling, and he drew back.
It had been years since hed comforted another human being; he didnt remember how.
“It matters,” he said, hearing the thickness in his voice. He would give anything right now to erase the past, to be able to go back to that Sunday afternoon, listen to that same confession of love from his brother; and simply be happy.
But how did you do that? How did two people move backward through time and untie a knot that had tangled through every moment of their lives?
“Just talk to me,” Eric said sleepily, smiling again. “Just talk, little brother. Like we used to. ”
Chapter Five
The phone rang in the middle of the night. Ruby groaned and glanced bleary-eyed at the bedside clock. One-fifteen.
“Shit,” she mumbled. It had to be one of those idiot reporters.
She reached across Maxs empty half of the bed and yanked the phone off the hook. Rolling onto her back, she brought it to her ear. “Bite me. ”
“I gave that up in kindergarten. ”
Ruby laughed sleepily. “Caro? Oh, sorry. I thought you were one of those bottom feeders from the Tattler. ”
“They arent calling me. Of course, I havent made a career out of dissing Mom. ”
“It isnt much of a career. ” Ruby scooted backward and leaned against the rough stucco wall. Through the phone lines, she could hear a baby crying. It was a high-pitched wailing sound, one only dogs should be able to hear. “Jesus, Caro, you must be chewing Excedrin. Does the baby Jesus always wail like that?”
“Moms been in a car accident. ”
Ruby gasped. “What happened?”
“I dont know. All I know is that shes at Bayview. Apparently shed been drinking. ”
“She never drinks. I mean, she never used to. ” Ruby threw back the covers and stood up. She wasnt sure why she did it, except that she had a sudden need to be moving. She held the cordless phone to her ear, walking toward the darkened kitchen. There, she stared out the slit in the tattered curtains at the black street below. The pink neon vacancy sign flickered and buzzed. She ran a hand through her sweaty hair. “How bad is it?”
“I dont know. Im going to drop the kids off with Jeres mom first thing in the morning and go to the hospital. But I dont want to do this alone. Will you come?”
“I dont know, Car-”
“She could be dying. Think of someone besides yourself for a change,” Caroline said sharply.
