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“Whatever it is, its better than flying. Even first class has gone to hell. My flight up here was godawful. ”
Eric smiled. “Even first class is bad? Youre talking to a high-school English teacher who was disinherited, remember?”
“Sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. ”
“Dont. Im dying. I dont need time-filler. Jesus, Dean, you and I have spent our whole adulthood talking around anything that mattered. I know its genetic, but I dont have time for it anymore. ”
“If you remind me that youre dying again, I swear to God, Ill kill you myself. Its not like Im going to forget. ”
Eric laughed. “Praise Jesus! Thats the first hint of my brother Ive seen in a decade. Im glad to know he survived. ”
Dean relaxed a little. “Its good to hear you laugh Its been a long time. ” He moved idly to the chest of drawers beside the bed, where a collection of pictures sat clustered together. Most of them were photographs of Dean and Eric as boys.
But there was one-a shot of the brothers and another boy from the football team--all standing with their arms around one another, grinning.
r /> It looked ordinary enough, but when he turned back to Eric, Dean couldnt help wondering. Had it been there all along, the difference between him and his brother? Had Dean simply missed the obvious?
“I wish Id never told you I was gay,” Eric said.
It was as if Eric had read his mind. Slowly, Dean turned. He wasnt ready for this conversation yet, but he had no choice. Eric had thrown him into cold water, now he had to swim. “Its kind of hard to keep a secret like that when youre living with a man. ”
“People do it all the time, keep that secret, I mean. I was so naive, I to tell you. ” Eric lifted his head off the pillows and stared at Dean. “I knew our folks wouldnt accept it. But you . . . ” His voice cracked a little. “You, I didnt expect. You broke my heart. ”
“I never meant to. ”
“You stopped calling me. ”
Dean sighed, wondering how to say it all. “You were away at college, so you didnt know what it was like back here. The technicolor meltdown of the Bridge family. It was front-burner news. And then. . . Ruby and I broke up. ”
“I always wondered what happened between you two. I thought-”
“It was fucking awful,” Dean said quickly, unwilling to delve into that particular heartache. “I called Mother and demanded to be transferred to Choate-where, I might add, I met a bunch of snotty elitist rich kids. I hated it there. I couldnt seem to make friends. But every Sunday night, my brother called, and that one hour made the rest of the week bearable. You werent just my best friend, you were my only friend. Then one Sunday, you forgot to call. ” Dean remembered how hed waited by the phone that day, and the next Sunday and the next. “When you finally did call again, you told me about Charlie. ”
“You felt abandoned,” Eric said softly.
“More than that. I felt like I didnt know you at all, like everything youd ever said to me was a lie. And then all you wanted to talk about was Charlie. ” Dean shrugged. “I was seventeen years old and nursing a broken heart. I didnt want to hear about your love life. And yeah, the fact that it was with another man was hard for me to handle. ”
Eric leaned deeper into the pillows. “When you stopped returning my calls, I assumed it was because you hated me. Then you went to work for the family biz, and I wrote you off. I never thought about what it was like for you. Im sorry. ”
“Yeah. Im sorry, too. ”
“Where do these apologies take us?”
“Who the hell knows? Im here. Isnt that enough?”
“No. ”
Suddenly Dean understood what Eric wanted. “You want me to remember who we used to be, to remember you, and then . . . watch you die. It doesnt sound like a real kick-ass plan from where Im standing. ”
Eric reached up, placed a cold, trembling hand on top of Deans. “I want someone in my family to love me while Im alive. Is that so much to ask?” He closed his eyes, as if the conversation had exhausted him. “Ah, Hell . . . Im going too fast. I need time damn it. Just stay here until I fall asleep, can you do that for me?”
Deans throat felt tight. “Sure. ” He stayed at his brothers bedside until long after Erics breathing had become regular and his mouth had slipped open. And still he didnt know what to say.
He would have given his fortune--hell, hed have given everything he had or owned or could borrow--in exchange for the one thing hed always taken for granted. The one thing Eric needed.
Time.
By the time Nora hopped to the bathroom and back into the bedroom, she was dizzy and out of breath. She shifted onto the bed and leaned back against the wobbly wooden headboard.
