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Ruby stared at Nora through unreadable eyes.
Nora steeled herself. This was going to be bad . . .
“That summer-you remember it, that time you left--I thought youd come back. ”
“Thats no secret. ”
“I waited and waited. By the next June, Caroline had left, and it was just Dad and me at home. One night I just . . . snapped. ” She swallowed hard and looked away for a moment, then collected herself and began again. “I drove down to Seattle and went to that dance club, the Monastery, all by myself. I picked up some kid-I cant even remember his name. He had blue hair and pierced ears and dead eyes. I went back to his apartment and let him fuck me. ” She paused for effect. “It was my first time. ”
It hurt as much as Ruby had intended. Nora thought: There it is. My legacy. She didnt dare to say she was sorry. Ruby would only toss those ridiculously inadequate words right back at her.
“I did it to hurt you. I thought youd come home eventually and then Id tell you. I used to imagine the look on your face when I described it. "
“You wanted to see me cry. ”
“At the very least. ”
Nora sighed. “I would have, if that makes you feel better. ”
“Its too late for any of us to be feeling better. ” She sighed. “Dean didnt take it very well, either. ”
Dean. For a moment Nora hurt so much she couldnt breathe evenly.
Thats how the grief hit her lately. Like a rogue wave rising from a flat sea, it came out of nowhere and hit with hurricane force. Sometimes she went whole hours without thinking about Eric, and then she would suddenly remember.
Now, it had been Deans name that reminded her, but it could have been anything--the sound of a school bell ringing, a mans laughter coming from another room. Anything.
She knew she should say something--the pain in Rubys eyes when she said Deans name was unmistakable-but Noras throat was blocked too tightly to speak.
“Thats enough quid pro quo for one night,” Ruby said sharply. “Im going to go upstairs and take a bath. ”
Nora watched her daughter leave. Then, quietly, she said, “Good night, Ruby. ”
Wheeling back into her bedroom, Nora elbowed the door shut behind her and crawled up onto the bed. Then she reached for the phone and dialed Erics number.
He answered on the third ring, and she could tell that he was heavily medicated. “Hullo?”
“Hey, Eric,” she said, leaning back against the headboard. “You sound like youve been shooting heroin. ”
“Thass how I feel. ” It seemed to take a long time for him to speak, and the words came out mangled and elongated.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
“Ssshure. Jesst a little doped up. New meds. . . ”
Nora had seen him go through this before. It was always hell to get the pain prescription just right. She knew it wasnt a good time for them to speak. “Ill let you sleep now, okay? Ill call back tomorrow. ”
“Ssleep,” he murmured. “Yeah. Morrow. ” “Good night, Eric. ”
“Goo” night. "
Nora listened to the dial tone so long the recording came on, then, finally, she hung up.
Ruby went upstairs, where she grabbed her yellow legal pad and crawled up onto the bed.
This place, Summer Island, is killing me. When I left Los Angeles, I was strong and funny--not successful, perhaps, but at least I was me. Here, things are different. I smell the roses my grandmother planted and dry my hands on towels she embroidered . . . I sit at the table where I grew up, remembering when I couldnt reach the floor with my feet. I stare at the beach, and in the movement of the waves, I hear my sisters laughter.
And then there is my mother.
