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“Ah, Ruby . . . theres so much you dont know. Your dad and I have a . . . history thats ours alone. No child can judge her parents marriage. ”
“You mean you wont tell me why you left him. ”
“Beyond saying that we were unhappy? No, I wont. ”
Ruby wanted to be angry, but in truth, she was too battered. The movies had hurt so much she couldnt think straight. For the first time in years, shed seen Mom.
“I had forgotten you,” Ruby said softly, closing her eyes. “Ive never dreamt of you or had a single childhood memory with you in it. ” When Ruby opened her eyes, she saw that her mother was crying, and it made Ruby uncomfortable, as if shed done something wrong. It was crazy to feel that way, but there it was. Strangely, she didnt want to make her mother cry. “But tonight I remembered the locket you gave me on my eleventh birthday. The silver oval that opened up. I kept a picture of you on one side and Dad and Caro on the other side. ”
Nora wiped her eyes and nodded. “Do you still Have it?”
Ruby got up, went to the fireplace. Shestared at the pictures of Carolines family. When she reached up and touched her own bare throat, she felt the phantom locket. Shed been sixteen the last day shed worn it.
It had been a hot, humid day in the second week of August. Ruby and Caroline had refused to go school shopping. It had been the rock-bottom basement of their faith, the thing theyd said to each other for weeks: Mom would be home in time for school . . .
But she wasnt, and August had bled into September and their lives couldnt be kept on hold anymore.
In that season, when all their friends and neighbors had been gathered together for picnics and barbecues and parties at Trout Lake, the Bridge family had stayed huddled in their too-quiet house. Ruby andCaro had learned to move soundlessly that summer. They did their best to disappear. Girls who were invisible didnt have to answer peoples questions or make painful explanations.
It had been easy to do. Dad had seen to that. Hed started drinking and smoking when Nora left in June. By August, he never came out of his room. The Captain Hook sat idle all summer; and by the fall, Dad had had to sell off another chunk of land to pay their bills.
Finally, on the first day of school, Ruby had taken the locket off and thrown it to the ground . . .
“Ruby? I asked about the locket. ” She turned and looked at her mother. “I threw it away. ”
“I see. ”
“No, you dont. I didnt throw it away because I hated you. ” She drew in a deep breath. For a split second, she almost lost her nerve; she had to force confession out. “I threw it because it hurt too much to remember you. ”
“Oh, Ruby . . . ”
In the kitchen, the ovens timer went off.
Ruby lurched to her feet. “Thank God. Lets eat. ”
Nora wrestled through a long and sleepless night. Finally, around dawn, she gave up and went out onto the porch to watch the sunrise. As soon as the sun was up, she called Eric, but there was no answer; and somehow, that made her feel even lonelier. She wheeled herself back out to the porch.
It was low tide now. The shy water had drawn back, revealing a wide swatch of glistening, pebbled shoreline.
She remembered so many times on that beach, gathering oysters, clams, and geoducks with Rands father for a Sunday barbecue.
I had forgotten you.
Nora had known that Ruby blamed her; hated her. But to have forgotten her?
Nora didnt know how to combat that.
Do you want me to be like Caroline? Ruby had asked. Pretend that everything is fine between us?
Nora leaned back in her chair; sighing tiredly. Ruby was right. Ruby, with her fire, her anger; her chipped shoulder . . . at least she was honest. All or nothing. Black or white. She couldnt live in the shades of gray that comforted her sister.
“I miss you, Ruby,” she whispered, daring to say the words to this silent world; words she couldnt imagine being able to say to her younger daughter. Sadness welled up inside her. Instead of pushing it away or pretending it didnt exist, she allowed herself to wallow in it. I miss you, baby girl . . .
She thought of all the years that had passed her by-Ruby leaving for college . . . quitting college . . . moving to Los Angeles (had she taken Rands ratty old Volkswagen or had she found a way to buy a new car? . . . renting her first apartment . . .
So much time gone.
“Enough,” she said at last. Straightening her spine, she opened her eyes.
