AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“God . . . Im sorry,” she said, knowing how utterly inadequate the words were.
“You know who got me through those tough times . . . when I first realized I was gay and my parents disowned me?”
“Dean?”
“Your mother. She had just moved her nora Knows Best” column to the Seattle Times. I wrote to her; anonymously at first. She wrote back, praising my bravery, telling me to keep my chin up, that my mom was sure to come around. It gave me hope. But after a few more years, I knew she was wrong. My mom had drawn her line in the sand. She wouldnt have a faggot son. Period. “ He grabbed his wallet from the top of the bedside table. Opening it, he withdrew an often folded piece of paper and carefully unfolded it. ”Here. Read this. "
Ruby took the piece of paper from him. It was yellowed from age and veined with tiny fold lines. A brown stain blotched the upper-right corner. She focused on the small, neat lettering. It took her a moment to recognize the handwriting. Her mothers.
Dear Eric,
I cant express the depth of my sympathy for your pain. That you would choose to share it with me is an honor I do not take lightly.
For me, you will always be Eric, the rope swing king. When I close my eyes, I see you hanging monkeylike from that old rope at Anderson Lake, yelling Bonsai! as you let go. I see a boy who came by our house when I was sick, who sat on the porch crushing mint in a bowl to spice up my tea. I remember a sixth-grade boy, his face reddened by new pimples, his voice sliding down the scale, who was never afraid to hold Mrs. Bridges hand as they walked down the school corridor.
This is who you are, Eric. Whom you choose to love is a part of you, but not the biggest part. You are still that boy who couldnt bear to eat anything that had once had parents. I hope and pray that someday your mother will wake up and remember the very special boy she gave birth to. I hope she will look up then, and smile at the man he has become.
But if she does not, please, please dont let it tear your heart apart. Some people simply cant find it in themselves to bend, to accept. If this terrible thing happens, Eric, you must go on. Theres no other word for it. Life is full of people who are different, broken, hurting, who simply put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
It is your mother I fear for. You will grow up and fall in love, and find yourself When I come to visit you, and we are both old, we will sit on your porch and laugh about the golden days that almost killed us. But not so your mother. If she continues on this path, it will eat her up from the inside. She will find that certain pains are endless.
So, forgive her It is the only way to lighten this ache in your heart. Forgive her and love her and go on.
I love you, Eric Sloan. You and your brother are the sons I never had, and had I given birth to you, would have been proud of who youve become
XXOO
Nora
Ruby folded the letter back into a small triangle that fit in his wallet. “Thats a beautiful letter. I can see why you carry it around. ”
"It saved me. Literally. It took some work-lots of work-but I forgave my mom, and when I did that, my chest stopped hurting all the time. ,,
“I dont know how you could forgive her. What she did-”
“Was human, thats all. ”
“What about now?”
He sighed, pushed a hand through his hair. “Its harder now. I realize how precious time is. I want just one moment with her to tell her I love her. To hear-” His voice broke, dropped to a whisper. “To hear her say she loves me. ”
Ruby turned to him, touched his face.
He smiled, pressed his hand on top of hers. “Forgive your mother, Ruby. ”
“Im afraid,” she said, using the words she rarely allowed herself to speak aloud.
He let go of her arm. “Christ. Time is short, dont you understand that? We bump along, blindly assuming we have forever to
do things, say things . . . but we dont. You can feel perfectly fine, and go to your annual checkup on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, and discover that your times up. Game over. ”
She looked down at him. “How do you forgive someone?”
He smiled tenderly. “all you just . . . let go. Unclench. ”
“If I let go . . . Im afraid Ill fall. ”
“Theres nothing wrong with falling. ” He kissed the tips of his own fingers, then pressed the kiss to her cheek. “I love you, Ruby. Dont forget that. ”
