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She shook her head. "I . . . I dont . . . w-want you to say these things. Please. "
"I was wrong to shield you for so long, Mariah. Your mother and I . . . we just loved you so much. We couldnt stand to see you cry. " He squeezed his eyes shut. Tears squeezed past his lashes and streaked down his gray wrinkled cheeks. "So we didnt let you cry. Im so sorry. "
"Please dont be sorry. " Her voice dropped to a pleading whisper. "Please . . . "
He opened his eyes and looked at her. In that instant she saw it all: the pain, the sorrow, the regret. She remembered all the times hed looked at her, gazed at her with a fathers quiet caring, and her heart broke.
Hed always been there for her, always, even when shed been too stupid to reach for him. She couldnt imagine a life without him___
"I love you, Boo. "
It was as close to crying as shed ever been. "I love you, too . . . Daddy. Please dont leave me. "
He gave her a slow, watery smile. "You havent called me that in years. " "I should have. "
"Ah, Boo," he said quietly. Slowly he brought his shaking right hand up and touched her face. His palm felt papery and dry against her flushed cheek. "How does the hurting start?"
She shook her head, unable to answer. They stared at each other for a long, long time. The muted sounds of the night faded away, leaving only the mingled duet of their strained breathing and the regular creak of the porch swing. Moonlight spilled across the farm and twined through the dead wisteria vines in shades of pearl and blue.
Mariah had the sudden, sickening thought that her daddy wouldnt be here when the wisteria blossomed. The crunching thud of footsteps serrated the silence and pulled Mariah from her thoughts. She looked up and saw Jake and Mad Dog standing on the bottom step.
"Rass. " Jakes voice was an awed whisper. Rass smiled sadly. "Jake. " Then he glanced down at Mad Dog. "Will you carry me back upstairs? Im feeling tired again.
Jake, come with me. "
Mad Dog climbed the porch steps slowly and drew Rass into his arms, then carried him back to bed.
Wordlessly, trying to be brave, Mariah and Jake followed them to the bedroom.
"Jake, come," Rass said, waving his right hand tiredly. He turned to Mariah and Mad Dog. "Give us a moment. "
Mariah gave her father a pleading look. / have more to say. What if we dont have any more time?l "We do," he said, reading her mind. "Now, go. "
Rass settled into the comforting mound of pillows with a relieved sigh. It took a monumental effort to appear strong. His whole body ached, his mouth was ash-dry, even breathing hurt. And the paralyzed left side of his body was like a steady, dragging weight downward.
He closed his eyes, resting for a moment.
He might have dozed; he wasnt sure. Tiredly he forced his eyes open, and found Jake standing at his bedside, staring down at him through moist, red-rimmed eyes.
"Hi, Rass. "
"Jake. " Rass said the boys name quietly, with love. "I wanted to say good-bye. "
Tears welled in Jakes eyes, shimmering. One by one, they fell past his lashes and streaked down his face. "I dont want you to go. "
Rasss heart gave a hard squeeze. Tears filled his eyes and slid down his temples in warm, wet streaks. "We dont have long, Jake. Im really tired. " He waved him over.
"Come closer. "
Jake kneeled beside the bed and peered eye-level at Rass.
"Hes your dad, isnt he?"
Jake gave him a sad, trembling smile. "I should have known I couldnt hide it from you. "
There were so many things Rass wanted to say, but he had no strength, and his will to live was beginning to wane. "Tell him the truth, Jake. Its your only hope. "
"Im afraid to. "
