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She shifted from foot to foot, trying not to think about the fact that she wasn’t a psychiatrist, or that the child’s trauma was a dark and bottomless well, or that Annie herself was lost.
She knew that love was important—maybe the most important thing—but she’d learned in the past weeks that it wasn’t a magic elixir. Even Annie wasn’t naive enough to believe that every problem could be solved by coating it in love. Some pain couldn’t be assuaged, some traumas couldn’t be overcome. She’d known that since the day her own mother had died.
“Nick ain’t comin’. Did Lurlene tell you that?”
Annie frowned and glanced at Buddy. “Oh. No. I didn’t know. ”
“He don’t never show up when it matters. ” He took a long slug of beer, eyeing Annie above the can’s dented rim. “You’re taking on a hell of a job, you know. That Izzy’s as unscrewed as a bum valve. ”
“Nick told me she hasn’t spoken in a while, and about the . . . you know . . . disappearing fingers. ”
“That ain’t the half of it. She’s got the kind of pain that sucks innocent bystanders under and drowns ’em. ”
In other words: you’re out of your depth here, city girl. Annie knew how she must appear to him, with her cheap jeans that still showed the manufacturer’s creases and the tennis shoes that were as white as new-fallen snow. She went to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, but there was no hair there. Embarrassed, she forced a smile. “That rain yesterday hurried spring right along. Why, at my dad’s house, the daffodils are busting out all over. I thought maybe—”
“Annie?”
It was Lurlene’s voice this time. Annie slowly turned.
Lurlene appeared at the end of the hallway, clad in a neon-green sweater and a pair of skintight purple faux snakeskin leggings. She clashed with everything in the house.
A child hung close to her side, a small girl with big brown eyes and hair the color of night. She was wearing a too-small pink dress that had seen better days. Her thin legs stuck out from the hemline like twin beanpoles. Mismatched socks— one pink, one yellow—hugged her ankles and disappeared into a pair of dirty Beauty and the Beast tennis shoes.
A little girl. Not an assortment of psychological problems or a trauma victim or a disciplinary problem. Just a plain, ordinary little girl who missed her mother.
Annie smiled. Maybe she didn’t know about traumatic muteness and how the doctors and books and specialists thought it should be treated. But she knew about being afraid, and sh
e knew about mothers who disappeared one day and never came back.
Slowly, with her hand out, she moved toward the girl. “Hey, Izzy,” she said softly.
Izzy didn’t answer; Annie hadn’t expected her to. She figured Izzy would talk in her own sweet time. Until then, Annie was just going to act as if everything were normal. And maybe, after what Izzy had been through, silence was the most normal thing in the world.
“I’m Annalise, but that’s a mouthful, isn’t it. You can call me Annie. ” She kneeled down in front of the little girl, staring into the biggest, saddest brown eyes she’d ever seen. “I was a good friend of your mommy’s. ”
A response flickered in Izzy’s eyes.
Annie took it as encouragement. “I met your mom on the first day of kindergarten. ” She smiled at Izzy, then stood and turned to Lurlene. “Is she ready to go?”
Lurlene shrugged, then whispered, “Who knows? Poor thing. ” She bent down. “You remember what we talked about. Miss Annie’s goin’ to be takin’ care of you for a while, durin’ your daddy’s work hours. You be a good girl for her, y’hear?”
“She most certainly does not have to be a good girl,” Annie said, winking at Izzy. “She can be whatever she wants. ”
Izzy’s eyes widened.
“Oh. ” Lurlene pushed to her feet and smiled at Annie. “God bless you for doing this. ”
“Believe me, Lurlene, this is as much for me as anyone. See you later. ”
Annie looked down at Izzy. “Well, Izzy. Let’s hit the road. I’m positively dying to see your bedroom. I’ll bet you have all kinds of great toys. I love playing Barbies. ” She led the way to the car, settled Izzy in the front seat, and clicked the seat belt in place.
Izzy sat in the passenger seat, strapped tightly in place, her head tilted to one side like a baby bird’s, her gaze fixed on the window.
Annie started the car and backed out of the driveway, steering carefully past a crowd of ceramic gnomes. She kept talking as she drove, all the way past the Quinault Indian reservation, past the roadside stalls that sold smoked salmon and fresh crabs, past a dozen empty fireworks stands. She talked about anything and everything— the importance of old-growth trees, the viability of mime as an art form, the best colors, her favorite movies, the Girl Scout camp she and Kathy had gone to and the s’mores they’d made at the fire—and through it all, Izzy stared and stared.
As Annie followed the winding lake road through towering trees, she felt as if she were going back in time. This rutted, gravel road, spackled now with bits of shade, seemed a direct route to yesterday. When they reached the end of the road, Annie found herself unable to move. She sat behind the wheel of the car and stared at the old Beauregard place. Nick’s home, now.
I’m going to own this house someday.
