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Annie slipped her hand in his. Nick sighed, watching his little girl walk down the hallway. He saw the hesitation in each of her footsteps and knew how hard she was trying to be brave. He knew how that felt, going forward when all you wanted to do was crawl into a warm darkness and hide. Finally, he had to look away. He’d never known it would be so damned hard to watch your child face fear.
“She’ll be fine,” Annie said. “Trust me. ”
He looked at her, and at the soft certainty in her gaze, something in his chest felt swollen and tender. “I do, Annie,” he said softly. “I do. ”
At the end of the hall, a door opened. A feminine voice said, “Izzy! We’ve missed you. ” A bubble of applause floated through the open door. Izzy glanced back, gave Nick and Annie a huge grin, then raced into the classroom.
Chapter 20
“Well, that certainly took my mind off Izzy,” Nick said, panting, when finally he could speak. He rolled off of Annie but kept an arm around her. Gathering her against him, he settled comfortably with his back against the wall and propped his sweaty cheek in his hand, gazing down at her.
She looked incredibly beautiful, with the sunlight from the half-open window on her face and her hair all spiky in a dozen different directions. Her breathing was shallow, and it reminded him with every tiny, wheezing sound that, for now at least, she was his. Beneath the flimsy cotton blanket, his hand found her breast and held it.
He wanted to lie with her for hours, talking about nothing and everything, sharing more than just their bodies. It was a dangerous desire, he knew, wanting more from Annie than the body she shared so willingly. No matter how hard he tried to forget it, he remembered that she was leaving June fifteenth—now less than three weeks away. She was going back to her real life.
He held her tightly, knowing he should just keep his mouth shut. But he couldn’t. “What was your marriage like?”
“From whose perspective? I thought it was nineteen great years with the only man I ever loved. Then one day he pulled our car into the driveway and said, ‘I love another woman; please don’t make me say it again. ’ ” She released a laugh that was short and bitter. “Like I wanted to hear it twice. ”
“Are you still in love with him?”
“In love? How would that be possible?” She sighed, and he felt the gentle swell and fall of her chest. “But love . . . ah, now that’s a harder thing. He is . . . was my best friend, my lover, my family for almost twenty years. How do you stop loving your family?”
“What . . . what if he wanted you back?”
“Blake’s not that kind of man. It would mean admitting that he’d been wrong in the first place. In all our years together, I’ve never once heard him say he was sorry. To anyone. ”
He heard sorrow in the quietly spoken words.
She smiled weakly and looked away from him, staring beyond his shoulder to a spot on the wall.
He gathered her into his arms, turning her so that he could lose himself in the green of her eyes. “I remember a story you wrote in Senior English. It was about a dog who helped a lost boy find his home. I always thought you’d be a famous writer. ”
“That was ‘Finding Joey. ’ I can’t believe you remembered it. ”
“It was a good story. ”
She was silent for a long time, and when finally she spoke, her voice was thick. “I should have trusted myself, but Blake . . . he thought writing was a silly little hobby, and so I put it away. It’s not his fault, it’s mine. I gave in too easily. After that I tried everything—calligraphy, judo, painting, sculpting, floral arranging, interior design. ” She snorted derisively. “No wonder Blake made fun of me. I was a poster child for a missing soul. ”
“I can’t imagine that. ”
“It’s true. I wrapped up my two unfinished novels in pretty pink boxes and tucked them under my lingerie chest. I let Blake’s acid comments about ‘Mom’s current hobby’ derail me. After a few years, I forgot I’d even had a dream in the first place. I became Mrs. Blake Colwater, and without him, I felt like nobody. Until now. You and Izzy gave me my self back. ”
He touched her face. “No, Annie. You took it back yourself. Hell, you fought for it. ”
She stared at him. “I lost myself once, Nick. I’m terrified of doing it again. ”
There was no point in asking what she meant. He knew. Somehow, she’d seen the secret he was trying so hard to keep from her. He’d fallen in love with her, and they didn’t have much time together; that was the truth he’d understood at the outset, the truth that came from sleeping with a married woman, even if she was headed for divorce. She still had Natalie, and a whole life that didn’t include Nick. “Okay, Annie,” he said quietly. “Okay for now. ”
But it wasn’t okay. He knew it, and now she was beginning to know it as well.
Annie stood on the porch of her father’s house, staring out at the sinuous silver ribbon of the salmon stream. Bright blue harebells danced nimbly through the high grass at the river’s edge. Somewhere, a woodpecker was drilling through a tree trunk; the ra-ta-ta-tat echoed through the forest.
She heard the door squeak open behind her, then the banging of the screen door.
“Okay, what’s going on, Annie Virginia?”
She knew by the quiet tone of his voice that it was the question he’d followed her out here to ask. “What do you mean?” She played dumb.
