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"Am I catching you at a bad time?" Elizabeth asked.
Her voice sounded different, uncertain, though it didnt surprise him. In a few short weeks, theyd become strangers. He wouldnt have thought it possible, after twenty-four years of living together, but it was true.
The silence between them stretched out, grew uncomfortable. It was all so unexpected; shed always been his compass, his true north; or so hed thought. Hed imagined that without her, hed be lost. But that hadnt happened. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was now afraid that hed be lost with her.
"Jack?"
"Im here. " He didnt know exactly what she expected him to say. Worse, he didnt know what he wanted to say. Maybe nothing at all. He was afraid suddenly that shed called to reconcile; now he was the one who wanted time.
Sally stood up. "Ill leave you alone for a minute," she whispered.
He nodded, mouthed, "Thanks. "
"Whos that?" Birdie asked.
He felt guilty suddenly, though there was no need. He and Sally hadnt done anything unprofessional. "Its just my assistant. We were in a meeting. "
"Maybe I should call back . . . "
He wanted to say, Yes, do that, and then avoid her future call. But such a maneuver would be pointless. With a heavy sigh and a heavier heart, he watched Sally leave the room, then said, "So, Birdie, whats going on?"
"Hows your job?"
He didnt know what hed expected her to say (maybe, Oh, Jack, I love you, I cant live without you) but certainly not a question about his job. "Honestly, Birdie, I love it. I feel twenty years younger. " He heard the defensiveness in his voice and tried to soften it. "Id forgotten how it felt. "
"To be a star, you mean?"
She knew him so well. "Yes. "
"Im proud of you, Jack. I knew youd be good at it. That was never the issue. "
He smiled. Her opinion of him had always mattered more than anyone elses, more even than his own. Hed never owned success completely until Elizabeth kissed him and said, You did it, baby.
What he hadnt known until now--this second--was that even with all that had gone wrong between them, he still needed that from her. "Thanks. How about you, how are you doing?"
"Im taking a painting class. "
To his amazement, he felt a spark of jealousy. Hed tried for years to get her to paint again.
Or had he only meant to encourage her? Now he couldnt separate the intention from the act. Still, when he said, "Thats great, Birdie," he meant it.
"I talked--"
"Do you--"
They spoke at once, then both laughed. Jack said, "You first. "
"I just talked to Jamie. Shes having a hard time. You know . . . school, swimming, Dads death, Stephies graduation. Its a lot for her to deal with by herself. "
"And shes always had you before. "
"Thats probably part of it. Anyway, shell be calling you for advice. Be gentle with her, okay? Listen before you talk. "
Whatever the hell that meant. He was a great listener with his girls. "Okay. "
"Good. " Then, "Im . . . having a hard time lying to them. Are you?"
"Lying? What do you mean?"
