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“I believe you.”
Shocked, I throw my arms around him and hug him so tightly I fear I may hurt him, but then he lets out a noise telling me otherwise.
“Thank you.”
His body trembles as he hugs me back just as tightly. Then he sighs and pulls away. I’m not ready to let go, so I hold on more tightly.
He reaches back behind his neck and pulls my hands apart then pushes me back. “I need you to sit down.”
When our eyes meet, the emotion I felt in his embrace isn’t shared through his eyes. He’s angry again.
“I am,” I say nervously.
He lifts me by the hips and sets me on the bed. Then he stands up and begins to pace. He does it long enough that I know . . . I know this is too much for him. I know what’s going to happen next.
He stops pacing and turns toward me. “I believe you, Lo. I do. But I can’t do this.”
“Jason, please,” I plead.
“I can’t think of any way to do this other than demand you go to the police. You and I are not good together.”
“We are,” I sob out.
“You don’t trust me enough to tell me what the hell is going on, and I don’t trust you at all after this shit.”
I cover my face and silently sob. “I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”
“That’s not your fucking call!”
I look up at him. “Yes, it is! It’s the only way I could protect you!”
“You have no clue what you’re doing, who you’re messing with.”
“I’ve been watching them, online, in newspaper articles, and on the news for years. Now I have been following them for three months.”
“And still, you don’t have it narrowed down.” He shakes his head. “You were just going to what, kill three people?”
“Yes.” I nod furiously. “Yes, and then they could rest peacefully. Then I wouldn’t feel like I should be dead, too. Then I would be free to embrace everything you make me feel. All the good things, Jason.”
He sighs as he walks closer to me.
“I just want to be able to be with you and be happy without”—I strangle back a sob—“without disappointing them.”
He kneels in front of me and looks up. “You are making this so difficult.”
“You’re gonna ask me to leave, aren’t you?” I whisper.
“I’m gonna make you promise me, without hiding behind the bullshit of being her, that you will let your man do what your man is best at: taking care of you. I can fucking promise you no one can do it better. No one.”
Him saying “your man,” emphasizing it not once but twice, makes me smile through the tears.
“But if you can’t promise me, Lo, then yes, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave because I can’t ever be in the position to be so angry with you that I want to work it out with my fists. If I ever touched a hair on your head, I would not allow myself another breath.”
I shrug and shake my head. “If I could let it go, I would.”
“You made a promise to them; I get it. Justice. I understand, Lo. Your word is gold, right?”
I nod.
“Then give it to me or keep this up and walk out the door.” He stands and steps back. “If you walk, understand you’re killing two people’s chances at a life neither one has known before and never will again.”
“I promise,” I say quietly.
“I can’t hear you, angel,” he says, allowing his emotion to flow into his words.
I stand up and walk toward him. My toes touching his, I look up into his eyes. “I. Promise.”
“Thank God.” He wraps his arms around me securely, protectively, and possessively. “Thank God.”
We hold each other for a long time until we are interrupted by two meowing cats.
Jason steps back and lifts my chin. “I promise you, I will find out.”
“How?”
“Angel, I have their work lives at my fingertips. I can look to see when they traveled, where they ate—hell, I can probably find out when they shit.” He winks. “I hate my fucking job, but right now, I love it. Process of elimination, Lo. No need for me to kill three if only one did it.”
My eyes widen. “You can’t kill them.”
“One person is slated for heaven, the other for hell. Nothing can change that. So yes, I can, and if that’s what my angel needs in order to keep making me happy and allowing me to do the same, that’s exactly what I will do.”
“Jason,” I whisper and look down.
“Don’t you see, Lo? You mean a lot to me.”
“Promise me you won’t.”
“I promise you that, if that’s what needs to be done, I will make sure you know before I slink off behind your back and do it. If one of them needs to die, I’ll make sure you know before I do it.”
