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And Ellison thought her family was fucked up. What a joke. There was no way I’d show her my whole hand--or anyone for that matter, without making sure first that I gave them a reason to stick around. Nobody wants to get shot down in friendly fire. Fox used to waste his time postulating why Dad was so hard on me. Mom told him it was because I was the sensitive one, her baby, fussy--whatever reason she came up with to ease her mind about why a father wouldn’t love his son or treat him with kindness. Fox thought it was because I reminded Tyler Montgomery too much of his fucking self, and he was a fucking awful person, so it was definitely possible. For me, it wasn’t a mystery to solve or a reason to feel sad. I was grateful for the distance between us, whatever relieved me of the burden of his attention, was a blessing to me.
I showered after my dad made me run an errand for the club. I didn’t want to show up for our first date smelling like club whore, cigarette smoke, or the general stench of freeloader. With a towel wrapped around my waist, I cleaned the fog off of the bathroom mirror, flexed my muscles a few times and made the sparrows on my chest jump with the motion. I hoped Ellison liked ink, because I had a shit ton of it. I had nineteen pieces inked on my skin. I’d only started last year. I was addicted to the pain, the sound of the needle. I liked how ink made people walk away and cross the street from me. Like a shield, like armor made of art, I found the tattoos to be protective.
I was an anomaly and I knew it, and I was okay with that. I was popular at school, everyone knew me. But I didn’t fit in with the burnouts because I didn’t like to get loaded and sit in class. I didn’t drink to get drunk. I was athletic as hell, but I didn’t fit in with the jocks, didn’t give a fuck about competitive sports. I maintained a four-point zero grade point average, but I barely ever studied, so I wasn’t a nerd. I was a Montgomery even if I didn’t want to be.
Chapter 12
ELLISON
Calvin showed up at six PM on the dot. I’d been ready for two whole hours prior, pacing the room, more nervous than I’d ever been. Calvin wasn’t just the average boy, he had something intimidating about him. His appearance was striking and hard, but there was this softness in his eyes I could see when I looked at him. Despite his roughness, I could tell he was kind—there was so much going on behind those bright green eyes. It also didn’t help my nerves that Cal was, hands down, the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen.
From the moment he rang the doorbell my breath hitched in my throat. I practiced my special breathing techniques on the way to the front door to keep from triggering. The last thing I needed was to hit the floor in front of my dad. It would immediately clue him in to how taken with Cal I was, and it would give him all the more reason to forbid me to see him.
I flung open the door, telling my stupid heart to chill out. Since Calvin kissed me two days after meeting me, I was terrified to find out what he expected from a whole night out. Sure, I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity on a first date. I wasn’t that kind of girl and I hoped I hadn’t given him the wrong impression.
Sometimes when I seize, I feel like I lose consciousness, my mind and body become so saturated with emotion, that I’m afraid of myself and what I’m capable of in those vulnerable moments. I didn’t entirely trust myself not to let him touch me or take me or have his way with me when I wasn’t fully present in my conviction.
He stood there with that tousled blond hair, wearing these perfect-looking dark denim jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. I smiled looking at my own clothing, I was wearing a long flowing summer dress and a jean jacket. Calvin noticed it too, he smiled coyly and stepped by me to talk to my parents. He seemed to know exactly what my parents wanted from him as if he had been practicing social etiquette his whole life. I couldn’t imagine him being brought up that way judging by all the bikes in his yard, but more like skills he had to learn in order to adapt and survive. For some reason or another that I couldn’t identify, that idea made me sad. After all the pleasantries with my parents, Calvin and I went outside. The sight of his Harley stopped me in my tracks.
