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“What other stuff?”
“The wanting to fuck you.” A blush rose in her beautiful face with shocking speed. “Wanting to hold you and love you, and kiss you until you can’t breathe. Wanting to know and satisfy your body in every way possible. I’m in love with you, El, and being with you but not actually being with you is driving me insane.”
She slapped my wrist rather pathetically.
“You said you wouldn’t pressure me, Calvin.”
“Why’d you wait? How come you’re not with anyone? In ten long years, you must have had ten thousand suiters, but here you are, a single mom.”
“Because no one was you, Calvin. I’m not about to trust some man with my young daughter. I don’t want to show some stranger my horrific scars, or share with him all of the hopes and dreams I keep hidden in my heart. No one was you, Calvin. Is that what you want to hear?”
I’d already fucked up; El was close to tears. But part of me liked her answer.
“Does that mean you’re still in love with me?”
Her chest was heaving. I’d pushed her too far and I’d promised I wouldn’t.
“Calvin, don’t do this to me.”
“Do what?” Adele said as she walked up, empty bread bag in her hands.
“I told your mom I still love her,” I couldn’t help but say.
“Oh,” Adele said brightly. She smiled and her sharp, but crooked canines made me wonder if she’d need braces someday. Someday soon, I’d have to get us dental insurance.
I wanted to kiss Ellison, pull her into my arms and douse all of her doubts until they were carried away on the wind.
“Mom, still loves you, too,” Adelle said. “She might not be able to say it yet, but I can say it for her,” Adele said earnestly.
God, I loved my kid. She was so forthcoming, so straightforward and honest. High functioning was what it was. Ellison and I had been embroiled in a web of dysfunction for so long we couldn’t see the way out of it, even if it were right in front of us.
“I’d love it if you guys get back together! Like the Parent Trap, except I don’t have to do anything. It would be perfect! So awesome,” Adele gushed. She was grabbing her backpack and putting our water bottles inside. “If you guys want to get married, like do the whole shebang, I could set up a playlist and of course, I’d perform for the ceremony.”
Now would be a good time for Adele to shut up, but she didn’t—she kept going, until the tension was so thick it could burst. We were at the point where El might refuse to drive back in the same vehicle.
“Adele, let’s give your mom some space,” I said mildly.
“What? Why? She’s had ten years. Oh my God, Mom! You’ve been waiting my whole life for Calvin to get back and now that he’s finally here, you get all weird!”
“Adele, that’s enough,” I told her in a somewhat stern voice.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she hollered.
“Adele, don’t talk to your father like that.”
“You two are infuriating! I hate you both!” she yelled and took off running.
I started to go after her and Ellison grabbed my arm.
“Let her go, Calvin. Ten years is a long time to wait. It’s normal for her to be impatient and frustrated.”
“I’m sorry,” I told El. Sorry for pushing her. Sorry for upsetting Adele. Sorry for being such a miserable fuck-up.
“I do love you, Calvin. I’ve always loved you,” Ellison said.
I stopped and faced her. Her lower lip trembled ever-so-slightly like she’d burst into tears from the admission. My heart soared high above us like a hot air balloon suddenly given the freedom to fly. I put one hand behind her head and neck and pulled her into my chest, wrapped my other arm behind her back and squeezed her into me.
“What are we gonna do with us?” I asked her.
“Is love enough?” she asked me. I cringed when I remembered her asking the same of me more than ten years ago. She was pregnant, I was a convicted murderer yet to be sentenced, clueless to just how valuable our love was.
“I want it to be, El. We need it to be, don’t we?”
We found Adele by another bench under an oak tree. She’s not crying, but she’s definitely moping and I didn’t blame her, we had a complicated origin story; it’s a lot for a ten-year-old to swallow.
I grabbed Ellison’s hand and for the very first time, she didn’t tear it away from me. We approached Adele as a united front.
“Adele, I’m sorry I came out of nowhere and I’m messing up your life.”
We each sat on one side of her and she pulled up her knees and hugged them into her chest.
“You didn’t mess it up,” she sniffed.
