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“Oh, yes.” She shakes her head. “Sorry again about your loss.”
“Thank you.” There isn’t much else you can say to someone who says that. You can’t dive in and tell them how it was magical at the beginning, but somehow in the middle and end it turned into a nightmare, a hell you couldn’t pull yourself from, yet for some strange reason you stayed. Was it just because it was familiar, or was it something deeper inside, something I knew I wanted to stay buried inside me?
“So, as I said on the phone, the buyer is ready to purchase and move in early, but he is offering less than the asking price and obviously requires you to be out in a week. I don’t know how doable that is for you, but I think it’s a good price since we needed the quick sale.”
“She’ll take it. She has somewhere to go, and she will be moved out by tomorrow.”
I turn to face him and try to keep my voice low as I speak to him, “Is it enough?” He never did tell me the amount, but I figured it must have been high since I have to sell my apartment to make up for his loss.
He nods, and that’s all I get. I wait for Keir to say something else, but he gives me nothing, so I turn back to my realtor and smile.
“Where do I sign?”
I didn’t realize that selling that apartment would affect me after everything that has happened, but something in the pit of my stomach feels sorry for giving up the one thing that I helped pick out and loved. That apartment was everything to me, meant so much. It was the place where I felt like I belonged—a real home. It was where I had my losses, where I discovered a new me, and the place that I created a home as a married woman.
I guess I’m not that anymore—a married woman.
I look down to the empty finger where my ring was once located, the one his fiancée is currently wearing around my home. That ring means more to her at the moment than it did to me in the end, so I don’t say anything about it. She can have the stupid ring. What I had of Dillan are different memories than the ones she has. I didn’t really ask if hers were good or bad, and to be honest, mine is a mixture of both. It’s the good ones that I try to remember at night as I lie in our bed where he no longer is.
“You’ll be gone after, right?” I ask Keir as we walk out of the office. The process took longer than expected, and he sat quietly next to me the whole time as I signed the necessary paperwork.
How can I stand to look at him?
How can I stand for him to be near me after what he did?
He killed my husband.
Shot him in front of me, and I stood there as the blood pooled at my feet.
Dead.
“Tonight?” He smiles, knowing full-well that is not what I meant.
“No. After you get the money, you’ll be gone, right?”
“That’s the deal.” He pulls his car door and holds it open as he eyes me. “Get in.”
“I don’t want to.” The last thing I want to do is get in a car with Keir. But I do as he says and slide into the passenger seat. I watch as he makes his way around to his side and slides into the driver’s seat. Not many people have cars here, but Keir lives outside the city, so I guess that’s why he has one. Or maybe it’s just because he can. Who really knows?
My phone rings as I’m about to ask him a question.
“Sailor, it’s Megan from the rental you visited.”
“Oh, yes, hi.”
“Hi. Look, unfortunately that property you toured has been rented. I know it happened quickly, but this is New York, so it’s to be expected. But I do have another one, and it’s only a little more than your budgeted price. It’s the first time they are offering this apartment for rent, and it’s better than what you saw last time by a long shot. They’re willing to let someone in who cannot afford what the usual tenants have for a year’s lease. This is highly unusual, and I figured you will be a great tenant. And they did leave it to my discretion to pick someone, as they want to do it more easily for them. But if you’ve found something else, that’s also fine. I do have someone else on the list as well.”
“I’ll take it.” I don’t even care what it looks like, I need to get out of our apartment. And if it’s better than the last place I looked at, I’m sure it's livable. I hope.
