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I feign pressing my palm against his face, and Barrett nips at my pinkie.
“Anyway. I got into Duke for pre-med—” His brows arch, and I smile, just because he’s so handsome, and looking at him makes me feel a little lighter. “So Duke is where I met Elvie. Elvie Wesson.”
Bear nods slowly, his gorgeous face expressionless.
“He was pre-med too. We met in the registration line the very first day.” I pause, remembering that moment. The way Elvie stepped behind me and wrapped his hands over my eyes, as if we knew each other. “His parents, you know, are pretty famous, so Elvie never had trouble breaking into music. I kinda put my singing stuff on hold and just did school and sports and stuff. I got discovered during a tournament. Taekwondo tournament.”
“Discovered?” He smiles, but it’s more sweet and sad than teasing.
“As they say.” I arch my brows.
“Did you like it? Modeling?” he asks.
I bite my lip and shrug. “I was in a different place then. Honestly?” I blink down at him. “It made me feel good. Important. This is weird to say, but I was hanging out with Elvie’s family a lot, and compared to them, I felt like a nobody. Almost like a groupie. So the modeling made me feel like I fit in more. And then I got the part of Jessica in End of Day, this indie film, and that was even better. That whole time period, when I remember it…” I shake my head. “It was like one long Christmas morning. And then I got a record deal.” I can hear the wistfulness in my own words. As if he can feel the way my heart squeezes, Barrett’s gentle fingers stroke my side.
“I thought I had it all. I mean, I kind of did. Elvie and I were serious, or I thought we were. I bought a little house. I could tell myself…you know, in retrospect, that I had always been going there. I put myself up on this stage in my head, and even before I had an album…” I swallow. “I never had an album.” I laugh, and even to my own ears, it sounds a little bitter. “I was living the dream in my own mind. I’m kind of glad it was so good. Probably even better than reality would have been. So there’s that.”
Barrett’s lips meet the inside of my wrist. He looks up at me with this wondrous expression on his face. Wondrous, yet serious. Sincere. “Have I told you I think you’re fucking incredible?”
My cheeks sting. My lips curve, all on their own. “I’m not,” I tell him honestly. “At all. In my position, being positive and moving forward was the only option that made sense.”
I cup my hand around his face. “I think you’re the same way. That’s the feeling that I’m getting, anyway.”
He pushes up on one elbow, resting his cheek in his palm. “What do you mean, Piglet?”
I smile at the name, then sober some and look into his eyes, so he can see the sincerity in mine. “It’s just this feeling that I get from you. That you’re really trying.” I smile down at him. “That, and one of my gardenia trees is shedding petals that end up in your pockets when I do laundry.”
He cuts his eyes away from mine and makes a funny kind of embarrassed duck face, which I have to struggle not to laugh at.
His eyes boomerang to mine. He’s smirking, but it really looks more like he’s struggling not to laugh. “You found those, huh? I need to get my own tree.”
“Just to pull its petals off?” I ruffle his hair.
“You make it sound bad.” He gives me a mock sad look.
“Mine can spare some petals. Only for you.”
He chuckles, looking a little embarrassed. “I’ve been…smelling them.”
“Exposure therapy.”
“Something like that.”
“And? How’s it going?”
“It’s working, I think.”
I beam. “That makes me really happy. Don’t be doing it for me, though. I can give those plants away.”
“Nah.”
“Have you ever thought of talking to someone? Like a PTSD type person? Tell me if you feel like I’m being pushy. Because I don’t want to be. I’m not.”
He takes a long breath and blows it out. “Those people help?”
“I think so. You’re doing amazing on your own,” I add. “Unless there’s something I’m missing, you’re not doing half the things a lot of other people do in your position.”
“Like what?” he asks, looking skeptical.
