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“C’mon,” he murmurs, and grabs a towel from beside the tub, scooping me up in his arms before he gets out of the tub, wrapping me up first and balancing me against his wide chest as he tucks a towel around his waist. With a small half-smile—the shy, sweet one that seems to wreck my heart a little more each time I see it—he takes me to my bed and we lie down together.
I push my fingers through his wet hair and Barrett, curled around me, kisses my forehead. He’s rubbing my shoulder with his warm palm when I feel his body twitch. For once, he’s out before I am. I pull him closer to me, joyous at the miracle of our two bodies folded so sweetly together.
When, after a little while, my heart’s still soaring too high to sink into sleep, I gently disentangle from him and slip off the bed.
FIVE
Barrett
I’m going for my toothbrush when I see—
Is that a ring?
I lift it off the toothbrush handle, set it in my palm, and hold it up near my face. My eyes are still blurry, but it looks like… I chuckle, despite my raw throat. That’s a fucking mood ring: just like hers, but a thick band.
I grin down at it. All the tightness in my chest: the cold, tight, empty feeling— That shit dissolves as I look at the ring in my palm. I set it down and wash my hands and try it on before I brush my teeth.
It’s too tight on my middle finger, but it fits the one beside my pinky, on my right hand. I watch amused as it turns from brownish green, before I brush my teeth, to sea green when I’m finished. I take it off so I can clean the sink up, put away the cloth I stuffed into my mouth, and use a spare hand towel to soap off my neck and chest. I don’t think they’re really dirty, but I want to be sure before I get back into bed with her.
I put the ring back on and smirk at myself in the mirror. Pretty princess. Breck used to call me that when I called him our special snowflake. Breck would like her, I think, as I run a hand back through my hair. He was so outgoing. He always liked the quiet, sweet ones. Gwen’s not quiet—she’s more talkative, which is a good foil to me—but she’s sweet as hell.
I give the ring one more glance—dark blue now—before I turn out the bathroom light and step quietly into her room. It smells so fucking good in here. Like fruit and sex and…vanilla. I look up at the ceiling, at the twinkle lights, then I let my gaze find Gwen. Her narrow shoulders, her small body curled into a little “c.” She isn’t skinny, but compared to me, she’s tiny. So small and soft—and warm.
I climb into bed. She’s facing me, so I position myself around her, arranging things so her pretty face is tucked against my throat. I wrap an arm around her back and bring my knees up below hers. It takes all my self control to resist kissing her, but based on her breathing, I don’t think she seems soundly asleep, and I don’t want to wake her up.
It feels so good to be here with her, but I don’t want her knowing how fucked up my head is. It would be best if she could think it’s better when I’m near her. One, because it really is. But also because I don’t want to be trouble to her. She said she could tell me what to do for the nightmares, but that’s not what I want. She doesn’t deserve to have to deal with that. It’s mine. I deserve it.
I inhale right by her hair, trying to find a label for the sweet, unique scent.
I wonder how I’ll ever be away from her again.
Maybe I really don’t have to be. Now that I know her and care for her, I feel more sure than ever that I can keep my secret. I can take it to my grave.
I’m so damn glad I didn’t tell Kellan or Cleo. No one knows but Dove and Blue. I can handle Dove and Blue.
I shut my eyes and with her silky hair against my face, I think about my mom. I have the weirdest, hot feeling right under my throat. My chest feels like it loosens up, so I can breathe. I take a deep, slow breath, and it feels good.
Gwen’s lips tickle my throat.
“Hey…” Her voice is raspy.
I kiss her temple. “Thank you,” I whisper.
“You like it?” She smiles sleepily.
“Blue—for happy.” I kiss her nose. “Yes. I like it.”
I end up inside her, breathing hard in time with her soft breaths… Groaning as my pleasure takes me over. We fall asleep entangled in each other.
Knocking wakes us.
* * *
Gwenna
The mattress bounces as Barrett gets down off the bed. I hear the swish of fabric over flesh as he pulls pants on.
“Stay there.”
