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May 28, 2016
It’s hot today, but I don’t care. Gwenna likes to hold my hand, and I like holding hers. We’ve taken Brian to the enclosure, into Piglet’s house, and now we’re walking to the open-roofed gazebo behind mine. I squeeze Gwen’s hand as Brian climbs the step and takes a seat on the wooden bench that wraps around the inside of the octagon.
Pig and I sit down across from him. Brian takes out his tiny, black recorder, and Gwenna draws my arm into her lap. Her free hand starts to stroke the inside of my forearm.
I can’t bring myself to be bothered by the PDA. Three weekends ago, we sat in Gwenna’s living room while Brian heard her side of our story. She and I sat leg-to-leg and hip-to-hip, my arm around her shoulders, while she talked for four and a half hours, taking breaks to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. As we served Brian dinner, she found small moments to peck me on the cheek and rub my hip and whisper, “Good?”
I smiled for her, just like I always try to, even when it’s not all good. Because she smiles for me. Because, now that she has my mother’s emerald on her left hand, I’ve vowed to make her life the best that it can be, to be her strength, her shield, the second heart that keeps her breathing when she can’t.
Brian’s a cool guy, and I like him. If I didn’t, or she didn’t, we wouldn’t be here. We don’t have to be. It’s not because we need the money. It’s because, if Brian does make the movie, our share of the profits and one fourth of his will go to veterans. I get to choose the charities myself.
So when Brian smiles at us, and Gwen looks at me, I take a slow, quiet breath and think about my buddy Breck. And all the guys I’ve been getting to know with the veteran’s group, the guys who will work with me in a few months, when I’m back in fighting form and the building is remodeled, and I open the doors of Freedom Martial Arts.
I give Brian a small nod.
“So we’ll do just like we did with Gwenna. Trying to get notes on you for the actor, and for me, of course.” He smiles, his glasses shifting on his face. “Let’s start off with something lighter. Tell me how you felt when you woke up that night and Gwen was there.”
I shift my eyes from Brian’s to the bench beside him. Gwen’s hand squeezes my wrist. What do I tell him? They don’t make words for it, not for something like that. The way it felt to have her arms around me, just her smell…
I inhale deeply. My
throat aches.
“Surprised.” It comes out a whisper.
“Why?” he asks.
I feel Gwen’s forehead press against my bicep. Grit my teeth. A prickling hive of anger washes through me. I don’t even know at whom. Myself.
I’m still not over this. Doc says I will be. But I’m still mad, for now. At me.
I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head. “Didn’t think I’d see her there.”
“But Gwen said her feelings didn’t really change.”
I raise my right hand to my forehead, rub; I stretch my fingers to my temples and press down. “Well, I didn’t know that,” I say into my hand.
I’m going to fuck this up.
I think of Breck. And Gwen. If the movie is made, Brian, one of the writers who helped the author of End of Day turn it into a script, will have some pull with who gets cast as Gwenna. It could even be her.
I let my gaze wander to her face. She smiles sadly. I smile back.
Another deep breath, more a sigh, and I force my gaze back to Brian’s. “Because I hadn’t seen her,” I tell him evenly. “After my confession that night, her getting upset, I called her friend Jamie and like Gwen said, they came back here. I thought my friends were there to kill me when they found me in the woods. I wasn’t…” In my right mind.
Brian nods.
“Remember,” I say sharply, “that part has to pass review. The part about my friends.”
“I know.” He smiles. “In this business, I’m well-versed in the NDA, and yours was ironclad.”
Gwen’s nails stroke my arm. I have to work to keep my eyes from sagging shut.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble.
“This is sensitive material. I understand that. And it’s hard to talk about.”
“I was surprised to see her,” I say, going back to what he asked. “I didn’t know she… Damn.” I shut my eyes and grab a deep breath.
