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I pull myself up to sit cross-legged to his left, leaning back against a beam between two of the window panes. Once I’m settled in my new position, I blink over at him, but I can’t tell shit from his face. After another heartbeat, I venture, “I didn’t realize you had two.”
He rubs his eyes, looking at me around his hand. “Kellan and Lyon. Twins. Lyon used to love to hear the Leo story.” Another deep breath swells his chest, and he looks right at me as he says, “He died a few years back.”
My heart squeezes as I look into his carefully blank eyes. “Oh my God, I didn’t know.”
He lifts his brows. “I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m so sorry.”
When he says nothing, just looks down at the beige and gold paisley cushion under us, I swallow past my dry throat.
“When did it happen? If you don’t mind me asking…” My voice is whispered—probably because my throat is tight.
“End of 2011.” He rubs the bridge of his nose, eyes on his leg before they slowly lift to mine. “They had leukemia.”
I lean into the space between us. “Who did?”
“Ly and Kelly.”
I blink. “Both? They both did?”
“Yeah.” He finger-drums the seat cushion, looking down at his hand as it moves. “Identical twins. I guess it was…” He shakes his head.
My chest feels tight with pain for him. I wrack my brain for what to say. There’s nothing…
His eyes lift to meet mine, and his handsome face is hard and still. I can feel the pain behind it, though, the weight of wordless things.
“Barrett—I’m so sorry.” I lean over closer to him, wanting very much to touch him but unsure how—or if. He shifts positions, I think mostly so he doesn’t have to look at me. He’s sitting cross-legged with his eyes fixed on his lap. He blinks down at his calves, pushes a curl out of his eyes.
“That must have been so awful,” I say in a half-whisper. “I wouldn’t know, because my dad died suddenly. And I’ve never lost a sibling.”
He bites the inside of his cheek and lifts his gaze to mine. “I wouldn’t know,” he rasps. “I wasn’t there.”
He runs a hand into his hair and looks down at the cushion.
Wasn’t there? “You were— overseas? Is that what you’re saying?”
He laughs, a small, dry sound, and cuts his eyes up at me before pulling them back down, shaking his head. “I don’t know why I told you that.” His voice is rough.
I almost say “because we’re friends,” but are we? Maybe we’re just really strange acquaintances, able to be unnaturally open with one another because I kicked off our neighbor-ship by bashing his head open, and since then, we’ve spent something like 10 hours trying to kill each other.
Still—I feel a magnetic sort of pull to him. One that seems to emanate at this moment from the center of my achy chest.
I take a small, fortifying breath and scoot closer to him. When I get there, knee-to-knee with him, my limbs feel heavy with uncertainty. He’s looking at his lap, and my heart is pounding like it always does when I’m near him. After holding still a few heartbeats, I press my knee against his.
I lean my head back against the cold glass of the window and I try to think of what makes me feel better…with Dad. And I realize: I like to talk about him. So much more than I would have ever have imagined. It gives me a kind of pride. He was here. He was my Dad.
I take a deep, slow breath, and when my eyes feel confidently free of tears, I lean a little closer to him. “So your brothers liked to hear you tell them stories? I’m guessing they must have been younger than you.”
There’s a long half-second in which I’m scared I said the wrong thing. Then he nods.
“When our mom died—” I watch his Adam’s apple bob— “the boys were ten, almost eleven. I was sixteen.”
He blinks, as if he was going to say something else but can’t remember what. I take a chance and lean my head against his arm. Not because it’s comfortable—it’s still rock-like—but just for basic human contact. Comfort.
I’m surprised when he shifts, stretching his arm behind my neck—in one smooth motion, scooting closer, so our folded thighs are pressed together and his shoulder hovers over mine. His arm drops down along my upper back.
I blink at his chest, easily accessible to me now. All that’s left is for me to snuggle up to
