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I know I could brave the ocean now. I know I could.
“Finley…speak to me. I didn’t mean to be unkind last night. I was— I suppose it was my own emotions. I felt…hurt, I suppose. That you hadn’t confided. Finley…was he hurting you this morning? Doctor? You never speak of what you…of your life with him. The intimate life,” she whispers.
I heard Mrs. Acton murmuring to Anna that the ship’s waiting for Declan. If no one comes with word of him soon, I’ll be forced to squeeze out Anna’s bathroom window. I’ll get to him. My Declan would never leave without me.
“Is he unkind to you…is Doctor? You can tell me. Finley,” Anna whispers, “did he know? Perhaps from Father Russo? He’s a nosy pillock…”
Kayti’s cries draw Anna out into the hallway. Then it’s Mrs. Acton with me. She sits gingerly on the bed’s edge, smoothing her green skirt.
“Anna said your wrists were bound. Who tied them that way, my dear? Was it Doctor…or was it Mr. Carnegie?”
Her eyes flare as mine meet them. Then they gentle. “Tell me what prompted the ordeal, dearie. What happened?”
I roll on my side, away from her.
I need Declan!
I mustn’t weep. I mustn’t weep.
I turn back toward her.
“Marriage could keep me in my post. I could offer you some company. We would never have to consummate it. I’m too old for you, Fin. I know that.”
It wasn’t a love match. I can’t find my voice to say the words.
“Finley…did he hurt you? Doctor? You can tell me if he did.” The bed creaks as she leans toward me. “You can talk to me.”
“He’s a good man on the inside.”
“Your father doesn’t mean to be this way.”
“At times, a man can’t help his temper.”
“These are our secrets to keep. You understand now, darling? Who are we to ask the others to concern themselves with our wellbeing…just because your father drinks a bit. We get on well enough here, don’t we?”
“Finley, you’re so good.”
“You cannot truly believe I never meant to consummate it. When I get back from Cape Town, I’ll take what’s mine. You are my wife. And you’ll enjoy it!”
“Yearning is when you want something, my darling…especially something you can’t have.”
“So, when you want something forbidden?”
“Yes, my dearest. It’s a bit like forbidden.”
“There’s no time for further correspondence. Hear me through the stars.”
“Stay here, Finley! Do not move!”
A tear drips down my cheek, and Mrs. Acton scoots closer, to hug me. “You can tell me what happened. We want to see to you. So let me ask again, dearie. Did Doctor mean you harm?” Her hand comes up to my face, hovering. I flinch, and her green eyes widen. “Did he strike you?”
“Who are we to ask the others to concern themselves with our wellbeing…”
“If you can spread your legs for someone weak of spirit, someone lazy like him—someone who’s not your husband, WHOM THE LORD HAS JOINED YOU TO!—then you can keep quiet as I take what’s rightfully mine! In exchange for caring for you, I’m deserving of my marital rights.”
“Who are we to ask the others to concern themselves with our wellbeing…”
I stare into Mrs. Acton’s eyes. I’m overcome with powerful inertia. Profound apathy.
