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“What’s been long?” I ask, my voice soft and, I hope, hypnotic.
His eyes open, and he regards me strangely for a moment. “What did I just say?” His voice is rough and harder now, his body tensing beneath mine. His tired eyes look a bit delirious.
“You said it’s been so long.”
“What has?” He frowns.
“Benzos.”
At that word, his face goes to stone. When he speaks, his voice is strong and steady, making him sound nearly like his old self. “What did I say about benzos?”
“You said benzos made you messed up for two years.”
The look of shock he gives me is so startling, I look over my shoulder. He sits up. He holds his head and starts to breathe hard again.
Worry spikes through me. “Declan…what are benzos?”
He takes a few breaths—fast and heavy.
“It’s okay.” I rub the blanket. “Lie back down. I’m tired, too. I want to lie beside you.”
“Did you say…I had a seizure?” His brows cinch slightly as his gaze finds mine. I’m startled to find he looks truly confused.
“Yes. But that was yesterday.”
He looks around, and I can tell for sure he is.
“You’ve been poorly since then. How do you feel?”
He shakes his head, his eyes down on the blanket as his fingers tug at his hair. “You should keep on digging, Finley.”
?
?Why?” My tone is slightly sharp, because there’s something sharp and fearful lodged beneath my throat.
He shakes his head. I lean toward him, wanting just to get my arms around him as I’ve done so often in the last day. As I near him, he leans away. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
He looks skeptical, and I feel like a fool. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” I whisper, drawing my knees to my chest.
“Won’t what?” he asks.
“Won’t touch you.”
“Why would you touch me?”
I inhale slowly. Now I’m confused as well. “Because…we’re here together.”
“Did you fuck me?”
The breath leaves me like I’ve been hit in the stomach. “Why would you say such thing?”
He shakes his head and then he’s up, stalking toward the stream. I find him standing by it, trembling wildly. I brush his arm with my fingers, wanting to take his hand but too afraid to.
“Sailor…please come lie beside me. I’m so tired, and tired of being here.” My voice cracks at the sheer truth of it.
He looks at me bleakly. “I don’t think you want me near you.”
