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He laughs. “Uhh…well.” He makes a sexy little “o” with his mouth, and I reach out and rub my hand over his junk. He winces, and a damp spot appears on his pants. It’s so fucking hot, my spent dick gives a hard throb. I can’t help a laugh. “God, that’s fuck hot, Miller. Someone need to change their pants?”
He covers his face with his hand. When he pulls his fingers off his eyes, he’s giving me this little shy smile. “Damn, dude. I missed that dick.”
“I want to see yours,” I say.
“I’m sure that can be arranged.”
I feel surreal again as he pulls my underwear and pants up and rights my twisted seatbelt. Then he kisses my cheek.
“All good, angel?”
I swallow and nod. “All good.” I could cry with how good I feel, but I breathe slowly and try hard not to.
Josh looks down at his lap and shakes his head. “No fixing this mess till we’re home.” Still, he’s grinning as he pulls out of the parking spot and reaches for my hand. “I feel kind of bad for doing that here. Your first time… I got—” He shakes his head, looking rueful.
“Fucking horny?”
“Fucking horny.” He lifts his brows and pins me with a wide-eyed look. “For you.”
Nine
Josh
Ez seemed awkward and embarrassed at times during our walk through the woods, as I was telling him our story. It was damned adorable the way he tried to hide it, tried to show me the most PC side of himself. The most charming. Best-foot-forward Ezra.
Now it’s my turn to be embarrassed. I feel weird about this whole thing as I drive through the intersections along South College Street and take a darker cut-through road toward my apartment. Ezra’s holding my hand, and it feels good—it feels so good—but he looks nervous, too. He’s chewing his cheek, looking out the window.
We’re holding hands, and I love that he’s here. He seems better. In a way I can’t articulate. Less haunted.
He’s so…into me. Like he just wants me. I believe him when he says he has deep feelings for me. But I—
“What’s wrong?” Ez asks me so softly. I look over at him. “I can tell that something is,” he says. “So don’t lie to me, Miller.” He gives me the cutest little smirk. His hand squeezes mine. “You have to tell me or I’ll think it was the D.” He lifts his eyebrows.
“Your dick was perfect, dude,” I tell him. “Better than tacos.”
Ez laughs. “What? At least compare it to a Ball Park frank or something.”
“Your dick was better than some common frank. Hot dogs are meh, dude. Tacos are up near the top, and so is your dick.” I force a smile for him. “It is the top.”
“Josh, man, you’re freaking me out.”
“I am?”
“Yeah.” Ezra’s hand gives mine another squeeze. “You’ve got a readable face. I can tell there’s something bothering you.”
I can’t help a laugh. “You’re pretty good, Ez.”
“Only when it comes to my Josh Miller.” He gives me a sad smile.
“I am…being weird,” I breathe. I squeeze his hand, too. “I feel weird about this with us. Not about us. I guess it’s me I’m feeling weird about.”
“Why?” Damn, his face is gentle.
“I don’t know,” I say slowly. “I’m not the same person you met. I think…if you don’t remember that guy… How do we really know you like me now? If how you feel for me is based on memories, but you don’t remember them…what if you wouldn’t like me? What if I’m so different you don’t even recognize me? If you remember. You said there’s still a chance you could, right?”
Ez nods slowly, his brows furrowed. “Yeah, I might. But Josh, we love each other. Right? I feel at home with you. I like it when…” He shakes his head. “I like everything.” He fixes his eyes on the road. “I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel like a weird…knockoff or something. Like I’m not the one you really want.” He bites on the inside of his cheek, he shifts his shoulders like he’s trying to get comfortable, and I can see his eyes gleam in the streetlight as we pass below it.
“No, angel. It doesn’t work like that.” I bring our joined hands to my lap. “I love you for who you are. It was the little things like how you’d smile at me when you were reading at the kitchen table. Your biting wit. Disarming humor.” I grin, and he squeezes his eyes shut and wipes them.
“You were so good to me. Even though you hid that side of yourself at first. You were so damn sweet. Thoughtful. We started out as enemies, but you became my closest friend.” I squeeze his hand hard. “I love you for you, Ez. You seem almost the same. In all the ways that matter. Just breathing the same air as you gets my dick up. I wanna tuck into the bed with you and stay there for a year.”
