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“I know that!” Sadness, anger, and disappointment in herself all formed a lump in her throat that threatened to choke her. “I’m not stupid.”
“You’re not. But you’re too fucking stubborn for your own good. Do you like being this miserable? You must. You’re not doing a thing to change it, and you’re the only one who can.”
Raine bit her lip, despair rolling over her. How did she change herself? “I know.”
Hammer’s expression softened. “I can see how badly you’re falling apart. Don’t think for one second that Liam can’t, too.”
“Rooting for your rival?” She swiped at her leaking eyes. “Things were easier when you thought of me as your sister.”
“I may be a twisted fuck, but I’d never masturbate to thoughts of my sister, precious.”
She felt a flush crawl up her cheeks as heat burst through her body. It might be wrong, but on some level it gratified her to know that Hammer wasn’t any more immune to her than she was to him.
“I know I’m walking a thin line even talking to you like this since you wear Liam’s collar. So instead, consider this some friendly advice. Stop being so damn afraid to share yourself. If you won’t be honest with Liam, then for fuck’s sake, take his collar off and stop wasting his time.”
This tumultuous crap plaguing her, mostly of her own doing, completely exhausted Raine. But she didn’t know how to get off the merry-go-round. She didn’t know how to stop hurting. “I need him.”
Pain flashed in Hammer’s eyes. “Then you have a decision to make.”
“That’s what Liam said.” Morosely, she snagged a muffin from the plate and picked at it. “Are you pushing me so hard toward him because you still think you’re bad for me?”
He hesitated. “I’ve seen a change in you. As much as I hate to admit it, that’s Liam’s doing. He reached you in a way I hadn’t. Obviously not deep enough yet.”
She laughed bitterly. “We both know he’ll give up before then, if he hasn’t already. I’m kidding myself if I think that ripping my soul open for him is going to make much difference.”
“If you go through life scared that the other shoe is going to drop, you’re going to miss out on a hell of a lot of good things.”
“Probably,” she whispered. But trusting that someone would be there tomorrow? Nothing was more difficult—or terrifying—for her.
“Raine…” He swallowed tightly and leaned toward her, cupping her chin with his broad hand. “Am I bad for you? Probably. You’re not wired for what I want, and I couldn’t live with myself if I crushed your spirit. But I’m happy you’re in my life. Will I always want more? Yes. Is that your fault? No.” He bent, his hazel eyes delving deep. “I want you to be happy. Promise me you’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
He was willing to sacrifice his heart for hers. It was kind and noble—two things that didn’t come easily for Hammer.
Raine had never felt more unworthy in her life. “I don’t know how.”
“Then learn. It will be uncomfortable, maybe even painful, but you can. Now do it.”
The tantalizing aromas of Thanksgiving dinner made Hammer’s mouth water as he entered the dungeon, now transformed into a makeshift dining area, complete with buffet tables, draped in turkey-themed cloths. He cast a nod to the club members seated at the long table as several submissives carried in platters of food, adding them to the already bountiful spread.
Raine set a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes down and headed back to the kitchen. Hammer’s focus naturally slid to her ass as she scurried away. Had she taken his advice yesterday morning and opened up to Liam?
The Irish prick sidled up to him. “Stop staring at Raine or I might change my bloody mind about you living another day.”
Hammer turned to scowl at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Raine started her period this morning.”
Liam’s declaration slapped Hammer. He froze, rolled the words around in his head. Finally, the meaning of those words dawned on him. They seized his guts, sucked his veins dry, stabbed his heart. His faint but stupid hope of sharing a life with her died.
Goddamn it, he’d wanted Raine to be pregnant.
Without a word, he stormed away from Liam toward the privacy of the liquor storage room. Slamming the door behind him, Hammer took refuge in the small, shadowy space. He leaned against the steel-framed racks of booze, dragged in a jagged breath, and closed his eyes.
What if Raine had been pregnant? Would he have hauled her to a Justice of the Peace for an unfulfilling five-minute ceremony? Then what? Watch her pine for Liam? Worry that she’d come to regard their marriage as a mistake? Hammer roughed a hand down his face. Would he have shoved his inner beast deep into the recesses of his soul and ignored the clawing hunger to make her his slave until it drove him insane?
