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“Right. So what’s in your way?”
What wasn’t? All her emotions were a crowded tangle in her head. The fear of being abandoned or hurt had been carved into her soul. Reacting to them was a reflex. How did she stop that?
Raine had to find a way. The last twenty-four hours had proven that living without them made her utterly miserable. She wanted to go home, wanted the familiar shelter of Shadows, of their arms. Despite what he’d said the last few weeks, Hammer would never commit to her. But that was okay; she could love him from afar. She’d been doing it for so long, she was a pro. She loved Liam so very much. He filled her heart. They could be happy—if she could hurdle her fears and move forward.
The first step was brutal honesty.
“My dad.” For starters, anyway. “He had all the power in the house when I was a kid.”
“And he abused it, along with you.”
Raine resisted the urge to grab the covers up to her chin and protect herself. From what? Beck was only here to help her, and she had to stop hiding from everyone. It only led to self-destruction.
“Yeah. I’ve avoided really thinking about it, but…I know it—he—is a stumbling block.”
Beck sat back and stared. “Have you talked to anyone professional about it lately? I know Hammer took you to see a counselor right after you came to Shadows.”
She sighed impatiently. “She asked the dumbest questions. ‘So I guess your dad’s behavior made you mad?’ Um, you think?”
He stifled a laugh. “So she wasn’t the therapist for you. She wasn’t very good in the sack, either.”
Raine batted Beck’s shoulder. “TMI, dude.”
“That sounds a lot like back talk, princess.”
The warning was too obvious to miss. She dialed back on the banter. “Sorry. It wasn’t meant that way. I appreciate everything you’ve done. I know you didn’t have to.”
Beck waved her away. “You haven’t seen or talked to your dad since you left home, right?”
“No.” She recoiled. “God, no.”
For a long time, he said nothing, and Raine sensed that he weighed his words carefully. Finally, he rose from the edge of her bed. “Okay, then. Food? It’s after noon, but I figure you’re hungry.”
“Are you?” She rose and batted down her self-consciousness about her skimpy tank and boy shorts. Despite his half-hearted flirting, the rapport between them wasn’t sexual. Besides, Beck had seen most everyone at Shadows naked, including her. He was a doctor. She didn’t have any parts different than his patients or the other females walking around the club.
He got a gleam in his eye. “You offering to cook? Bachelor food and hospital cafeteria garbage sucks.”
She laughed. “I’ll be happy to. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll make something divine.”
It was the least she could do.
After brushing her teeth and hair, Raine washed her face, then changed into a pair of yoga pants and a faded sweatshirt. Slipping on a pair of socks, she padded into the kitchen. Beck stood on the balcony, looking out toward the ocean.
For years, he’d been a mystery, other than the pain he inflicted on subs at the club. When they’d first met, she’d lumped him in with her father mentally a bit, and it hadn’t been fair. The subs asked for his pain—begged for it. But this personable, compassionate side of him surprised her. Why should he be single when he could tempt just about anyone? Raine didn’t understand. Even now, his profile looked pensive…unhappy. She hoped he found what he was looking for soon.
In the kitchen, she made herself at home. Beck’s housekeeper had obviously found a gourmet grocery store because Raine found all sorts of goodies. She seared him some bacon-wrapped scallops, sautéed vegetables, and whipped up a heap of garlic-parmesan mashed potatoes. He’d left a bottle of sauvignon blanc chilling in the fridge. She brought two glasses and the bottle out to the balcony, along with a corkscrew. She schlepped napkins, forks, and took two full plates next, then set them on the little table.
The day was chilly, the wind blowing. The almost perpetual fog near the coast blanketed the air. Raine hadn’t made any decisions about what to do or how to do it yet, but somehow a new peace outweighed the turmoil that had made her a hot mess yesterday.
Beck took a bite of his scallops. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he moaned loudly. She’d heard him have quieter orgasms.
Raine giggled. “So you like it?”
“Oh, princess. Forget Liam and Hammer. Come live with me.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She rolled her eyes.
“Are there seconds? And dessert?”
“No, and I’ll see what I can do.”
Beck sighed in bliss. Then they fell into a comfortable silence as he poured the wine and they ate.
Thoughts turned over in her head. And over and over. She’d struggled for so long with Hammer, fought Liam’s every attempt to reach her. But Beck asked such a simple question. So what’s in your way? And when she’d admitted that she hadn’t seen her dad in over six years, he hadn’t said a single word about it. But his expression had been clear. She should.
