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“I’m sorry. At least I had my mother until I was nine. And my grandparents before her. I knew they loved me unconditionally. Who loved you?”
“Until you and Liam? No one.”
Not even Juliet? Raine wanted to ask but sensed he’d get to that part of the story when he was ready.
He swallowed, not quite meeting her gaze. “We spent summers in The Hamptons. Well, I spent summers there. My parents were…wherever. But I loved the beach—the breeze, the salty brine, the warm sand between my toes. Everything about that twenties Tuscan-style house just felt alive. It was sturdy, had character. At the end of every summer, I hated to leave and go back to that stuffy-ass school in New Hampshire.
“The summer I was fifteen changed everything. It certainly changed me. I don’t know whether it was for the worst turn of events or simply inevitable.” He shrugged. “My parents announced one night at dinner—a miracle they were there in the first place—that they were going on a philanthropic quest in Africa. That was their fancy way of saying they were going on safari and dropping a lot of cash on the locals for booze and sightseeing. I wanted to go but it wasn’t ‘safe.’ That translated to I’d simply be in their way. Besides, I needed to brush up on my French. The A minus I’d gotten the previous semester wasn’t going to cut it if I wanted to get into Harvard, and my French nanny, Linnet, was staying over the summer to tutor me. Tom, our chauffeur, would teach me archery and improve my swimming because good extracurricular activities were so important on a college application,” he mocked.
“You were crushed,” she said softly, hurting for him again.
“Yeah. And I was pissed off. The last thing I wanted was to spend the summer being looked after by a nanny I was way too old to need, especially one I’d had a secret crush on for years. Or hauled around by the beefy chauffeur Linnet constantly stared at like he was a fucking god. I certainly didn’t want our housekeeper, Martha, who was older than Jesus and deaf as driftwood, poking around in my business. I’d spent a small fortune on contraband Playboy magazines at prep school and didn’t want her confiscating a single issue.”
She could picture him young, with a chip on his shoulder, walling himself off from everyone, taking solace with naked women who would never love him in return. “That summer set up a pattern that lasted for years.”
“Damn near two decades, and you have no idea.” He let out a rough breath. “I’m not going to lie. Now it gets hard.”
Raine rose to sit in the chair directly beside him so she could cup his face. “I know the man you are today. I know the kind of unflinching care you’ve shown me since you took me in. Something that happened twenty years ago won’t change anything for me.”
Her words seemed to set him at ease. “Thanks, precious.”
He’d needed that, and Raine was happy she could give him the love and adoration he hadn’t received as a child. “Go on.”
“With my tender fifteen-year-old feelings duly crushed, I tossed my napkin onto the dinner table, purposely scraped the legs of my chair across my mother’s antique hardwoods, and tore out of the house. I ran down the beach until I saw a light coming from the pool house. Neither of my parents ever swam, but Linnet liked it, and I had recurring visions of her skinny-dipping for me.” He snorted. “When I peered through the window where the blind was partially raised, she was in there, all right. She was naked, too. But Tom, our brawny, quiet chauffeur had her spread, tied down at her wrists and ankles with ropes attached to eyebolts along the back wall. He wore nothing but leather and held a nasty crop.”
Raine’s breath caught in her chest. “You watched them?”
“Fuck yeah. There was my sexy nanny playing out one of my dirtiest secret fantasies. In my inexperienced head, it was so twisted I didn’t even have a name for what they were doing. But I wanted to learn.”
“What did he do to her?”
“What didn’t he do?” Hammer gazed out the window, over their backyard. But he was far away, as if he’d gone back to that summer. “Linnet liked pain, and Tom didn’t hesitate to give it to her. When I first found them, he was raining blows on her nipples with that crop. They were purple, and he showed no sign of stopping. He fondled her pussy, bringing her to the brink over and over…” He shook his head. “My cock was throbbing so damn hard. I pulled it from my shorts, fisted it a couple of times, and lost my load faster than I ever had looking at a magazine. But the second Tom plucked her abused nipples and had to press his hand over her mouth to muffle her screams, I got hard once more. When he attached clothespins and started in with the crop again, Linnet cried such pretty tears. And god, the begging… I could hear her through the walls. I imagined she was crying out for me. I came a second time, just as hard as the first. But my damn cock still wouldn’t go down.”
